End of year

2014-blink of an eye. After all is said and done, I laughed; I cried; I mourned; I rejoiced; I struggled; I learned. My son graduated from college in May. My daughter passed her GED in June. My husband continues to be my best friend and my roughest critic. I turned 62, so I get Social Security and take advantage of all the " senior" discounts that are available. I spent quality time with dear friends and family when I visited San Francisco, Michigan, Dahlonega, Bermuda. I hugged my sister. I kissed my nieces and nephews. I sang loudly and danced like a dervish. I tried to be kind, thoughtful, reflective and thankful. My conversations and prayers with God were at varying times marked by my confusion,anger, wonder and gratitude. I know that "my Redeemer liveth",and I've been singed by His refining fire. There are some health issues and some regrets; I will work on all of that. I feel the empowering Love of God, my family and my dear friends. Life can be challenging, yet it is sweet and to be savored.

The holidays

Thanksgiving is done, and now it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. I really decorated this year. Every room on the main floor has the more-is-more look, and I put up two trees. Let the festivities begin. Meanwhile, I'm rehearsing for the choir 's Christmas concerts; I am finished with shopping; and I am still taking a plethora of medical tests.Fa la la la la. I love the season! I haven't blogged in almost a month because of the flurry of holiday preparations ( I'm having fun).

Senior saving

I like saying I am a senior. I've paid my" dues". Today, because I am now 62, I saved some substantial money. I no longer pay school taxes.I filed today and I will save about70% off my property taxes. I got 15% off my grocery bill today and 10% off gasoline for my car. I start receiving my social security check this month and I get a teacher pension from MI and another from GA. However, I will not join AARP.( They were complicit in Obamacare bs, for one thing.)

Winners and losers

Mia Love won; Joni ernst won; Tim Scott won; two young women (18 and 30) won. Well, this is Good for Republicans for sure! Minorities and women...what "war"? Give them a chance.We will see soon enough how they do. I just hope Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi will not be minority(ironic) leaders. I truly believe they are no longer good for the Democratic party and certainly not for the country. Dr. Ben Carson also encourages me; good luck to him. He's a smart, articulate African- American . I hope Minorities will support him like they did Pres. Obama, and not just turn on him because he is a republican. I like Obama's new pick for attorney general, too. She seems universally respected. Best wishes to all the above named. I pray that they will be unifiers and work hard for ALL. On the other hand, a divisive person that I am soooooo over is Al Sharpton. Please retire Al Sharpton; you do not help anybody...

Life happens, Part Two

Some current out- of- my- control stuff: I am having my heart checked because of an irregular EKG. I will be checking my blood pressure M,W, F until Dec. I have a Stress echocardiogram on 11/21, and I will be doing a sleep study by Thanksgiving. I get to do all of this so they can figure out I what's going on. Meanwhile I will be seeing a notable eye surgeon to determine if/ when I will have surgery to correct a 2nd or 3rd level "eye aberration ". I am not adverse to seeing doctors and getting procedures done, if need be. I just have anxiety over the " waiting " times. Next,our daughter is more away, than at home, and as that saga continues, she creates a lot of stress for us. If the above isn't enough right now, Al's regional position with Rojas Chemical has been eliminated,effective immediately.The company didn't fire him; they are consolidating his territory to inside sales people.I suppose that the silver lining is that he will be getting a recommendation letter from Rojas, so that should, hopefully, help him with getting another job. However,his age of 62 works against him. At least he will be drawing unemployment and my social security checks have begun. This will nix any upcoming trips we would have planned. I'm sure my family and friends will understand. We have half way paid for a trip through the Panama Canal for Feb. We just might have to cancel that, too, and lose money we already have put out for it. SMH ... I am more concerned about Al with all of his than myself.Life happens.I'm glad we have each other!

Life happens

I have had 3 people I knew well die this week. I am trying to finish editing a book for a friend. My daughter is sick . So.....I will get back to blogging after Tuesday 11/4 , which happens to be election day.

Halloween scene

When I was a kid, I loved Halloween for the candy and being out at night in the neighborhood- not the "being scared" part. When I was a little older, I loved creating costumes and dressing up as a different personality or fantasy. I was really into having a meticulous outfit and makeup for the evening.Then I would enjoy making costumes for Adam and Gina.I fondly remember, too, all the beautifully carved pumpkins Adam would make every year for us! Now, I just enjoy handing candy out to the young kids and seeing how adorable they look, although I still put out a few decorations. My mom told me I would get to this point, and she was right. Been there, done that, a lot! Happy Halloween, whatever you do - or don't do. I will probably have a glass of wine and watch "Nightmare Before Christmas" ( the movie is already over 20 years old).

We are all mortal.

I know the older I get, I will be dealing with the deaths of people I care about deeply. It is so difficult to say goodbye and forge ahead. Grief is weird. You're supposed to move on after a "reasonable" time, but that is such a relative idea. I miss my mom and dad every day. I think about my brothers, my grandma, other relatives and friends as well. I have three dear friends, currently, who are coping with cancer. It overwhelms and saddens me, and I feel helpless, because they live far away from me. I pray for them, of course. I want for them a cure, a miracle, another chance. I hope they will get that.

Emmaus and Chrysalis

Back in 1998, I experienced the "Emmaus" walk as a pilgrim, and Kate Morris sponsored me. I then sponsored my dear friend,Loretta Yike. Subsequently, I have served on only one walk, but Loretta has worked many, many walks, and will probably be a lay director some day. She has also been very active with Chrysalis (for teenagers), so I have decided to serve on the Chrysalis walk with her Jan 1 -4.What a great way to start the new year! I will be the cook, so that is both exciting and challenging, because I will be preparing food for over 100 people. For those of you who don't know what Emmaus or Chrysalis walks are, they are spiritual retreats. I know that I will be blessed and meet many wonderful women. I don't know how many weekends I 'll do like this in the future, but I love working with Ms.Loretta, and if she ever is called to be a lay director, I will serve with her in a microsecond. I admire her servant's heart, and we are kindred spirits. I am blessed that she is my sista.

VOTE

I vote every time there is an election. I have been proudly voting since I was 18, and I don't understand people who do no make time to be informed nor take time to vote. I vote on local issues, state issues and nationally. I do not always vote for one party, but I tend to prefer Republicans. Georgia's politicians must win 51% of the vote, so we will probably have a run off in January, because the individual senatorial candidates do not appear to have a clear win majority. I hope Georgia will not be the deciding factor for which party controls the Senate,however, because if so, it will be a real circus down here- media feeding frenzy, PAC contributions and a deluge of negative ads, etc. I am a political junkie and watch the national polls and races. Btw, I rarely vote early , and I will probably vote on Nov 4- I'm kind of old school that way. Just make sure to vote!

My husband

I have been with Alfredo over 40 years. We have grown up together and have been through good and bad, thick and thin. He is honest, kind,frugal, hard-working,compassionate, silly at times, clean, pragmatic, realistic, cynical, cat man(really,he mainly takes care of CJ), yard man, gym man, and all around good guy, provider and sidekick. Gina takes advantage of him, and I can drive him crazy.He is not self- centered and is self- sacrificing, in fact, and because he is loyal to a fault, he would do pretty much anything he can to help his family and close friends, sometimes to his detriment. We argue, make up, argue some more, and don't see eye-to-eye about a lot of things especially our daughter who is very challenging. Through it all though, I have always loved him, trusted him, prayed for him and am proud he is my husband and the wonderful father of our children. I am lucky to be his wife and I don't say that enough.

Daydreaming

Sometimes I imagine that Al and I have all the money we will ever possibly need, so that we can travel when and where we want, as often as we want. This, of course, is not the case, and I have fantasized that, yes, it would be great to get a windfall or win the lottery or hit it big at blackjack. Although, if this were the case this is what I (and Al , too,I think) would do , and honestly, who in the working or middle classes hasn't daydreamed just a little about a life without financial concerns?First,Al could retire! We would pay off all our debts- mortgages, student loans, etc. in one fell swoop,, and set up trust funds for the children and pad all our savings vehicles.Naturally, I would tithe to our church. Next we would fix up everything in the house and sell it. We would like to move in a few years into a condo, with no outside maintenance. We would pay cash for it! Al could get the car of his dreams, and I and the kids could have new cars too. Then I would invite everybody we love - wherever they live- to take a two week cruise with us, all expenses paid,all inclusive. I would donate thousands of dollars to "wounded warriors" and " make a wish " foundation.Alfredo could go to Colombia twice a year, and we could go to MI twice a year as well. We could set up a state-of-the -art music studio for Adam and a house for Gina. Distance and money would no longer be factors in decisions to see my sister, family, and closest friends! Of course, health is always the big question mark, but it's my fantasy, and so we will all be well.

Missing Michigan folk already.

I'm feeling a little weepy today. Having spent time in Michigan with family and friends recently, I always get sad when I realize I won't see them again until I get back up there.The whirlwind pace exhausted me this time, but if I don't go to MI, I won't see some significant people in my life. Most of them won't make the trip to Georgia, which can be rather one sided for me, but my friends and family always treat me exceedingly well and are tremendous hosts. I just wish the distance wasn't such a large factor. I do not want to move back to MI because of the winters,but I sure wish I could get up there more often. I would have stayed longer, but I went by myself, and I have too many pulls here- namely my husband and children. They never seem to be able to go with me. I'm retired; they aren't. Hopefully, Al will retire in four years( at 66), and then there will be fewer time constraints. I will hold on to that thought.

Back in the saddle, so to speak

I haven 't been writing, blogging, or editing for over a month because of a busy time traveling to NYC, cruising to Bermuda, and visiting family and friends in Michigan.I loved the trips but am exhausted from the frenetic pace I had; I'm no spring chicken anymore. Meanwhile, my 17 year old cat had pancreatitis and now he is doing better. My son, under his music name Feverkin, released a couple of very good songs he composed.My husband, has been swamped with his work.My daughter, who has gotten her GED, is looking for a job. I plan to get back into my routine of writing now and to get busy with editing a friend's book. It will be good to be blogging again.

3 day gratitude challenge, in one post

I have been challenged to do a "gratitude challenge" over three days. Well, I 'll be out of town ,and off the grid, so to speak,so I'm doing it all at once.I have spoken so many times about how blessed I am with my family and friends ,so I am going to talk about other blessings. The quality of my life is excellent! * Day one: 1. Waking up in a clean firm bed with air conditioning and indoor plumbing- I have better shelter than the majority of people in the world. 2. Sitting in a comfortable chair eating Lox and bagels with fresh squeezed Orange juice and French roast coffee. I can afford to eat very good food. I know many people are literally starving to death and lack even the accessibility of clean water. I am grateful to have never been poor or truly hungry. 3. How many creature comforts do I need? I have reliable transportation, too many clothes, a plethora of electronic devices, a myriad of books, DVDs and CDs , and comfortable furnishings. I realize that many people have none of the above. * Day two: 1. I am grateful my parents instilled in me a love of worshipping,learning, reading, fine arts and travel. How enriched my life is because of this one factor. 2. I am spiritually, physically and mentally healthy, and so are my husband and son( my daughter- not so much). Many, many people aren't. 3. I live in a great country where I have many freedoms. I sadly understand that in other countries, Christians are persecuted and women are treated horribly. *Day three: 1. I do not experience conditions of war daily. I wake up and don't think about being in danger. I am so grateful for our soldiers , who risk their lives. I am grateful I don't live in a high crime area, let alone a war torn region. I pray for those in harm's way. 2. I am retired with a pension. I can linger over a second cup of coffee, play the cello or piano if I want,take a walk and admire Nature's awesomeness , explore the hobbies I truly love- writing reading,cooking,traveling , visiting friends and family, dining out, volunteering, seeing movies, going to museums. Some people do not know when the next meal will be , or must work two or three jobs. I am not wealthy, but I am very privileged. 3. Above all else, I am certain that I am loved and experience Grace. I am truly blessed to have a personal relationship with Jesus. Yes, I know the world can be a cynical,dark place at times. I have personally survived tragic and despairing events, and I have experienced miracles. People are " skeptical", and I know many " intelligent" individuals who mock my Faith and call it a mythology. Nevertheless, despite occurrences of true sadness, I feel joy and peace in my life.

300th post, and 18,000 views- thanks for following!

This is my 300th post. I have been recently sporadic with blog postings. I guess that is because I've been reading a lot lately- good for the soul, you know. I am editing a couple books currently, and I joined a book club. This has been good for me,. because it gets me out of my "zone" , and I'm reading stories that would not otherwise be on my radar such as: "Me Before You" by Moyes, "Glass Castle" by Wall, " Night Circus", and "Darklight" by Zayn. I recommend highly, Jack Zayn's debut novel. He is a friend of mine and " Darklight" is a well-written fantasy story. When my friends MK and GH get their books published I'll be able to recommend those too. I am thankful to be associated with dedicated writers; I lack their writing discipline, and they motivate me to be a better wordsmith.

Books that affected me

I have been asked to name 10 books that have influenced me and/ or have had a tremendous impact on my Life. Well, I'll try to narrow it down by categories, but, come on, I was an English lit teacher for 32 years. So I will list what I mainly read before age 21. Because, after 21, I made challenges for myself: a book by each of the Pulitzer winners, a book by each of the Nobel winners, self- help books, books in French and Spanish. Category by itself: Bible ( mainly KJV) Mystery: Nancy Drew books- my first was "The Hidden Staircase".( I read them all in 2nd grade when my mom gave me her set.)Then read Agatha Christie's Poirot series and Doyle 's Sherlock Holmes stories. Period romances/ heroines: Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, Rebecca, Tess of the d'Urbervilles,Madame Bovary, all Jane Austen. category by himself - and yea he wasn 't a " novelist": Shakespeare.Fantasy: Hobbit and Lord of the Rings trilogy, Chronicles of Narnia series. The first books that I taught: " The Good Earth ", " The Great Gatsby", " A Farewell to Arms" , " the Scarlet Letter." I read to and with my children: Series of unfortunate Events , all Harry potter books. So.... 10 books, for better or worse and in no particular order: 1)Vonnegut- Slaughterhouse Five 2)Austen-Pride and Prejudice 3)Hamlet( yea, it's a play) 4)Tolkien-Hobbit 5)Buck- The Good Earth 6)Hawthorne- the Scarlet Letter 7)Eco- Foucault's Pendulum 8)Solzenistyn(sp?)- one Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich 9)Woolf - mrs.Dalloway 10)Joyce- Ullysses.

Dilemmas- sometimes things are mutually exclusive

Where I want to go vs where I can afford to go. Who I want to see vs who I must dutifully see. What I want to do vs what I must do. When I need to scream vs just saying nothing. Love/ hate relationships. Church going vs private worship. Trying to be understood vs not being understood.Feeling responsible when I want to be spontaneous. Feeling depressed vs putting on a stoic face. Being lectured or judged vs saying, Go f... Yourself!" Loathing people vs tolerating them. Feeling certain vs compromise( often unhappliy)When I'm a liberal vs when I'm a conservative. I'd like to think that I am healthy because I am so conflicted- a thinker not just a reactionary. Usually however , I feel Mired.

Missing my son

Adam has been staying with Clint Jones in Pasadena since 8/2, and will be there until 8/30. Now I rationally know this isn't an inordinate amount of time, but I have never gone more than two weeks without seeing him since he was born, so the mama bear is missing her cub albeit a man cub! Yes, we've talked on the phone every other day; we've texted and emailed. That should suffice, right? Well, it should, but it doesn't. If he decides to move to Califonia, I will have to move there too- or at least to the same time zone. He seems to be liking the LA area and has been contracted to do a few songs which encourages him. I want him to be happy and thrive, of course,but the ache is real. God Bless him and keep him. He is a talented young man with incredible potential and abilities and he needs to be where he can be musically "fed", and I may need to start looking at real estate out West.

More Gina BS

I have a chess set made of monkey wood given to me by my parents as a gift from when they went to Hawaii in 1974 for their 25th anniversary. I have always taken very good care of it, and I 've used it often. Al was doing trim work in the yard yesterday when he found one of the pieces ( a pawn) and brought it inside. So he counted all the pieces and another piece ( black bishop) is still missing.This is Gina's handiwork. It makes me sad and angry at the same time. Damn it!

RIP Robin and Lauren

The Birdcage's Armand : " it's like riding a psychotic horse towards a Burning barn... " a toothbrush at the cemetery, how Egyptian! ... This is Hell , and there's a crucifix here". Aladdin's genie:Wake up and smell the hummous...I don'T believe I 'm losing to a rug... Yo rugman! give me some tassel. DPS's Keating: language was developed for one reason- to woo women. Good morning Vietnam:You are in more dire need of a bj than any white man in history!...Actually, Cronauer was one of my favorite Williams' characters ever!He was allowed to ad lib a lot.Take a couple minutes and read his radio monologues from the movie.[Try IMDb].

Scars are visible memories

I have a few scars on my aging body , and I don 't mind them really. Some scars represent weak points physically speaking, but every one reminds me vividly of a particular event. I have a small mark on my cheek from when I fell off my bike, around age seven and unfortunately punctured my skin.I have a rather nasty scar on the bottom of my right foot where I stepped on a large rusty nail, while I was running around a construction site.Not only did it hurt like Hell, I had to have a painful tetanus shot. I have scars on my wrists from carpel tunnel surgery when I was 39, which I regret, because I no longer have very much strength in either wrist, which affects my playing the piano or cello for any length of time. I have bite marks that I got from my sister, but now they make me smile as I remember sharing a bed and bedroom with her while we were growing up.The most recent scar is on my throat from parathyroid surgery( which needlessly scared me).However, my favorite scar is from my Caesarian section in 1991.It is a mark of victory, for a long fought battle that I won. I am thankful, in comparison with so many other people, that my scars are fairly minor, because in general, I have been mostly healthy and unharmed, and for that I have been blessed.

Wants and needs

I am blessed with a comfortable home,caring husband, adequate provisions, retirement pensions, social security and decent health.I don't need anything, but here is what I want: I want people to be honest with me. I want a government I can trust. I want a daughter who I can respect.I want a little more levity and less PC. I want more PBS and less MTV.I want cell phones off limits in restaurants and worship services. I want to learn something new each day.I want to see smiles on my friends' and family's faces. I want these same people to have good health and no pain.Unfortunately, the list of these kind of wants is way longer than I'll mention, and difficult to achieve.

Gina's GED

Gina passed all sections of the GED.That means she has the equivalent of a high school diploma except for 4 year colleges. She can go to community college or military for example.This is at least a positive about her at a time of so many negatives. She doesn't have to do another year of high school, and she can get full time employment, hopefully. Al and I hope she goes into the military, but we'll see. She doesn't live with us and we will just wait for her next move.Maybe this will be be a new start for her; maybe this will be the beginning of the end of our heartache. Maybe ( probably) not...

My "son" shine

I think of you a dozen times each day. I think of you within the first minute I wake up, and I think of you the last minute I am awake. Then I often dream about you. Love is like that. You think about the other's comings and goings, choices and issues, successes and mistakes. I wonder what you ate for breakfast, what your day looked like and are you taking care of yourself. I pray for your wellbeing and peace and protection. I remember the joyful moments of the past and await the joyful moments yet to come. Love is like that.

Teachers retire, but...

Teachers retire but "they pull you back in". School resumed this week in Cherokee County, and get this - I have already been asked to help with: Beta Club, Drama, Oratory and an essay contest. I'm currently editing three friends' books, and App Tech wants to know if I want to teach a remedial reading class. Hey! I used to get paid to do all that. Now I am supposed to volunteer. Uh, no.Just no. Instead,I want to take a fencing class and work on event planning. I appreciate the pleasantness of unstructured time.

Places I've seen- I love to travel

I was blessed with parents who took us on family trips each year(affordable camping).Besides seeing most of my incredibly beautiful, home state of Michigan, they took us to most of the national parks during my childhood. They instilled in me an appreciation of our country's magnificent beauty. The first foreign country I visited was Canada (because I lived in Michigan). I vividly can draw to mind the wondrous majesty of Niagara Falls! Then, when I was sixteen( many moons ago) I lived in Alsace, France as an exchange student and developed a tolerance for cultures different than my own,where I fell in love for the first time,had my first glass of champagne, and became a francophile foodie. I first visited Colombia, South America, with Alfredo when I was 23. It really opened my eyes to 3rd world country issues such as overt corruption and the chasm between rich and poor( no middle class).Of course, it is from where we eventually adopted our daughter.I have been to a few places in Mexico, but Rosarita's sunset over the ocean while sipping tequila with dear friends was sheer poetry. The French side of St. Martin was tres jolie and decadent( La Samana my Jeannine?)I did a whirlwind tour of Europe with Janet( mainly sleeping in a pup tent) the month before I married in 1980. That's when I fell in love with Italy and have been back to that country a few times.No matter where I walked, beauty, history, great people, delicious food and wine were everywhere, and Rome and Venice fascinate me. Since 1993, I have been taking cruises almost every other year.I guess you either love them or hate them; I obviously adore them.I've seen much of the Caribbean and Europe this way. My three favorites however have been Alaska, Mediterranean and Greece. In 2005, we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary by renewing our vows while in Glacier Bay. 2008 we saw most of the med cities, and I would go back to Monaco and Mallorca in a heartbeat. Sipping coffee while people watching was incredible.And in 2012 we cruised the Greek Isles. One of those perfect moments of Life was when Al, Adam, Gina and I were seated at a cafe having sorbet, staring out at the beautiful caldera and waters of Santorini with Greek music playing.We were all smiling and the view was so peaceful.It was a slice of Heaven. I haven't been to Australia, but New Zealand is on my bucket list because I have had a pen pal since age 12 who lives in Christchurch. I haven't been to Asia,but I have always wanted to go Kyoto ( sumo, kabuki, geisha, tea, temples). I want to go to St. Petersburg ( Hermitage) and we hope to do that in conjunction with World Cup in 2018. Our next trip is a cruise out of NY to Bermuda and we'll be going through the Panama Canal next year. I love many areas in the U.S.,too, of course, especially Napa,New Orleans, and anywhere Oceanside. People tell me how much money we could save if we didn't travel - fix the house,yada,yada. I guess I would say to them that we all have different priorities.

14 things I know I know

1. The phrase "real Love is unconditional" is not a universal, therefore, false. 2. Compassion and kindness are wonderful qualities unless you are dealing with a sociopath; then they are seen as weakness. 3. Not all kids are basically "good" and can be saved; some are downright evil. 4. If you are an upstanding, hardworking, law-abiding, middle class person,you will be eventually screwed by at least one of the institutions for which you pay exorbitant taxes. 5. Traveling( even to another city) is essential for the mind, body and spirit. 6. One solid, faithful friend is a blessing; more than one is a miracle. 7. There is no excuse to be an uninformed/ low information voter, and blind, unthinking partisanship equally sucks. 8.Perfect moments are possible; they just don't last. 9. The United States is still the best country, despite its flaws and decline. 10.The intelligentsia is now in the minority.11. Sons and daughters are a person's greatest joy and greatest pain.12. Men rarely understand women.13. Life would be dreary without books, music,art and lots of wine. 14.I have a better quality of life - actually a very good quality of life- than the majority of people in the world,and for that, I'm thankful.

Post- mortem

An autopsy would be fruitless.What's the point after all? A broken heart doesn't show up in these kind of examinations, and there's no law against wearing out someone's love and devotion.The mortician paints the face that never wore much makeup, and doesn't put the gorgeous high heels on the corpse, even though it's requested.(His wife will enjoy them instead).Don't respect the deceased's wishes for a closed coffin! So there's an open casket, and all can gawk at the now souless body with a facial expression never seen while alive. It is so macabre, and there's no laughter, no wine, no music, no joy. RIP

The last teardrop

My forlorn eye musters only a solitary tear, a salty,burning drop holding the last vestiges of what was and could have been.Dry sockets released the flood of weeping months ago, and like a leaking faucet whose incessant drip, drip, drip drives the sane towards madness, I expell the briny, wet residue of torment.A dehydrated spirit engulfs me, and ironically I drown in self- doubt and what ifs. Unsafe bridges over dry ravines burn,and repair seems unlikely.I yearn for the respite of a sweet rain's redemptive water, but the drought continues.

Resuming

I took almost a month off of writing anything because I felt drained and needed a while to let go of some unresolved anger towards my daughter.I just got back from a trip to California only to find out she had broken into our home again and took ten bottles of my very good wine and all of my liquor so she could have a party in our home - sex, drugs, alcohol and carelessness without qualms or remorse. She drove my car( she doesn't have a license); we found remnants of pot, and I have some broken items including two chairs. I tried to get a restraining order but that is only good for perpetrated violence. This incident is considered "illegal trespassing" and carries no real consequence because Gina 's "official" residence is still our home. I have written before about the lack of support from school, mental health and the police/"justice" system. I wish she would go far, far away. She is the bane of our existence.

I will be on hiatus until 8/1

I have been watching a tremendous number of games - Wimbledon, World Cup, baseball and my usual " Jeopardy". Since I finished the last piece of the fiction puzzle, I feel like taking a break, and letting my head stop spinning. Besides, I have had a horrid stomach virus which has lasted over a week- a real puny feeling.

Finishing

My story idea is finished, and instead of being relieved, happy, satisfied, whatever, I feel melancholy. I have been having labor pains since January, so to speak, and the inevitable conclusion seems bittersweet. I have had quite the learning curve and I realize that yes, I want to continue to write. Just like with people when one never forgets her first love, I will never forget this first effort, and I saw it to a kind of completion. This old dog still can hunt.

RoB- Jill's resolve, part 2

The time has come, Jillian thinks to herself. Sharon arrives promptly and approaches the darkly lit corner area with privacy drapes around it, where Jillian sits stone like . Sharon smiles, sits down, folds her hands and says, "It's over?" Sharon refers, of course, to her exile. Jill just responds with, "Yes!" Sharon shows obvious relief and relaxes. Jill pours Sharon a glass of Frangelico, from the crystal decanter of liquer which they have been served, and then she pours one for her. They toast to the future, and drink. Within seconds, both women experience dizziness, trouble breathing and cardiac arrest.The cyanide has done its work. Jill's last thought is of Lily. Will they be at last reunited,or will this last heinous, lethal act forever separate them in death as well?

RoB - Jillian's resolve, part one

Jillian dozed off on the living room sofa,so Jung and Barb stayed with her.When she woke, Jung hurried off to get her some juice and another cold compress.Barb sat across from Jill and waited patiently for instructions,as she often did. Jillian is glad she saved Barb and Jung from Lina's death wheel; they are loyal and trusted employees.She tells Barb about the new will, and says that if anything happens to her, there is a copy in her bedroom safe. Jillian tells Barb the safe's combination and asks her to tell nobody else, including Evelynn. In fact, Jillian asks Barb to confide nothing to Evelynn, and Barb nods although she is taken aback. Jillian asks Barb to contact Maya, too if she must get the will. Maya will know what to do. Jill has decided what she must do about Sharon, and she is amazingly calm.

RoB - What's Love got to do with it?

Jill wants to be back in her home, but she doesn't know how it will go with Evelynn, and her anguish over Ruby's fate consumes her. Seeing Abby, Cheri and Jung comforts her momentarily, but when she eyes Evelynn walking towards her with arms outstretched, she wells up and curses. Jill will never feel close to Evelynn again, and she can't help but have an image of Evelynn as Ms. Lina's marionette. Jill is curt and wants to know if Evelynn contacted Sharon. Evelynn nods, and says she sent Sharon the one word text" yes", so Sharon will be at the club tomorrow night at 8 pm.Jill must figure out before then how she will kill Sharon.She doesn't want to do it, and with everything on her mind,Jill has a panic attack, all the while imagining that Lina is smiling over Jill's conundrum.Jung rushes to get a cold compress for Jill's forehead, but when Evelynn tries to help her to the sofa, Jill pushes her away. It's going to be a long night,and Jill doesn't want to face tomorrow's imminent reckoning with Sharon - and with herself. (She wishes Ruby were here to give her a sedative, but that won't be happening.) Lina's mind games aren't over, and Jillian despairs.She trusts nobody, not even herself.

Sports intermission

Usually sports do not interfere with my days and/ or writing. Well, I've had the perfect storm the past week: French Open, Stanley Cup finals, NBA finals, and last but not least, World cup to my heart's content.I will get back to writing soon. Soooo many good male specimens to look at( e.g.,German coach), so little time.

RoB- chess with the Grim Reaper

Jill is reminded of Bergman's "The Seventh Seal" where Max Von Sydow's character plays chess with Death, except Jill didn't ask to play, and her ability is mediocre at best. Madame D's " Game Night" has really been about head games,and Jillian despairs. Jillian has tremendously underestimated Lina's abilities, power and ruthlessness. Simply to look at Ms. Lina, one sees an elegant, quiet, elderly woman who must have been exceptionally beautiful in her prime.To know her intimately, one begins to see the tip of the calculating, brilliant leader's iceberg. Jill has had her comeuppance, and she truly recognizes how impotent she is against such a life force. She saved Yung and Barb at least, but her mind dwells on Anais,Pauline,Ruby and the others. Jill has always paid for others to murder for her. That she must kill Sharon by herself, not only frightens her; she doesn't think she ultimately will be able to do the deed. Also, of the 4 members of the quartet, Sharon is the most psychopathic and sadistic. Sharon's collection of body trophies predated her joining Jill's kill team. Jill saw the usefulness of Sharon's gruesome propensities when she hired her;killing Sharon will be daunting to say the least. Jill could not eat with Lina, because she was queasy,overwhelmed and apprehensive.She even vomited twice while waiting for the chess match to commence, which begins promptly at 10pm.Jill wonders how an eighty year old woman can have so much energy as she sits down at the game table.The chess pieces are exquisitely hand carved from ebony and ivory as is the board. Next to the board is a small stack of monogrammed blue cards. Every time a chess piece is lost, except pawns, a card will be drawn and read by the person whose piece is lost. Lina tells Jill to shuffle the cards? Madame D has changed into blue silk pajamas with fushia colored slippers. She looks regal and impervious, and will be, without a doubt, a formidable opponent. All Jill did was change her vomit stained blouse;she has never cared less about her attire. D offers to let Jill choose to have black or white. Jill decides to be White and sets up the Ruy Lopez opening;D counters with the French defense. Traps have been avoided by both players.Jill gives up two pawns, but so far so good, because her two bishops control the diagonals.Then Lina says something interesting about Chess being a metaphor for Life. " Strategy requires thought; tactics require observation, " according to Max Euwe, 1936 grand master, she quips. Jill loses a bishop and draws a card which announces, " You will pay a charity of your opponent's choice $100,000." Jillian is almost relieved.She expected another death sentence. Now Jill loses her knight. The next card states that, " You will work in a soup kitchen for sixty days." Jill frowns; Lina smirks. Jill is over her head and makes a premature queen move after castling unnecessarily. She loses piece after piece, and the cards are adding up."You will read to elementary children once a week for the entire next school year." "You will volunteer at the local nursing home for at least two weeks." " You will not wear cosmetics or have your hair colored for 3 months." Jill begins to see a pattern. She must focus on others and not herself. Checkmate is imminent, and Jill turns over one last card. "You will never see one person of your opponent's selection again." Lina rises from her seat ceremoniously, and says she will be going to bed.Then she announces that her selection for who Jill will never see again is Maya, in essence, a figurative death. Jill is spent; Lina has broken and tamed her... and still, she has the Sharon situation with which to contend.

RoB- gambling night with Madame D, part 2

Jill tries to regain her composure as Barb fans her and spritzes water on her face.Barb thinks Jill has fainted from the heat and sun. Jill has made a pact with the devil; she cannot look at Lina. A few minutes pass and Jill is prepared to continue what feels to her to be a foregone conclusion. Jill argues that Yung is an innocent and asks her tormentor for " double or nothing." If Jill wins,she insists,Yung and another woman will be totally saved, with no imprisonment either, and if she doesn't, well...Jill doesn't want to think about that yet... Madame D agrees and says they will play one game of Scrabble. Jill incredulously wins when she spells 'torques' across, with the " s" being added to D's zebra down. She saves Yung ,and she decides to save Barb, whose name is also on the wheel. Lina congratulates Jill on her success and admits that Barbara isn't one of Lina's minions, and has long admired Barb's loyalty to her boss/ friend. Jill thinks this evening of games is over, but Ms.Lina, who never seems to tire, says they have more to play. The next game is a round of fencing, and Jill despairs because she has never even tried it. They will just use the épée, Ms. Lina announces, but Jill doesn't even know what that means.Lina is toying with her to be certain.Of course, Ms.Lina prevails, and her next choice on the arbitrary death list is Ruby.Jill rails...Why, why? Ruby knows about both Jillian's and Anais' brands for one reason,remarks the judge of Death! She will be poisoned with an untraceable dram of liquid while visiting her ailing mother, probably next week.What else, who else ?, thinks Jillian. The midsummer sun will soon be setting, so Ms. Lina insists on one more competition before repast, and that will end their game playing. Archery- one arrow each. I'm screwed again thinks Jill. She's right, of course; Madame D gets a bullseye.That said, Jillian never realized how many different hobbies Lina excels at. Lina exclaims that Jill never really inquired about Lina; it has always been what Lina can do for Jill, and that kind of self- centered ignorance creates dire consequences. Before Lina tells who the last victim will be , she again warns Jill not to make any more " messes" that must be " cleaned up." The final target is indeed Sharon, the last of Jill's kill team. Ms. Lina serves Jill and her an aperitif to celebrate the end of the games. Lina toasts," to the victor go the spoils." Jill reluctantly takes a sip to placate D, and waits for the information about Sharon's demise.Madame D declares, "You will kill Sharon, nobody else, and you will do it this week, a coup de grace peut-être? Oh, and I have decided we will play one more game after dinner, my most favorite of all - chess! And I have some special rules for us!" The aged Lina seems energized but Jill feels depleted, and has no appetite for dinner let alone any other surprises from the grim reaper...

RoB- gambling night with Madame D, part one

Jillian has been on Ms. Lina's yacht almost two weeks , and her confinement on the Esprit is wearing thin, although her craving to use heroin again has subsided. Once a day she is allowed to talk to Evelynn and check in.That's because Lina talks to Evelynn first and filters the topics. Jillian is informed that all is ok at her estate,which she has finally decided to call "Lily Pad", although that seems to be a rather trivial decision at this juncture. Jillian doesn't feel much like talking to Evelynn considering her supposed friend's subterfuge, but Jill is worried about everyone else in her sphere. Ms. Lina has agreed to let Jill and Barb go home if Jill will indulge her mentor( or is it nemesis?)in a game night. Ms. Lina proposes the high risk stakes; for every game Jillian wins she can save one of her associates from death, but a benign imprisonment will ensue. If Ms. Lina wins she will choose the female who will die and in what manner.Jill doesn't like the macabre conditions, but she doesn't have much of a choice. All the cards are stacked in Lina's favor,so to speak. Jill is resigned that this is her penance and torture for her transgressions. Also Ms. Lina says that she will be called Madame D ( for Dontay) for the duration of the evening, because that is her "good luck" moniker, which is rather creepy for Jill to hear. It will be Ms.Lina's ,aka Madame D's, rules and choice of games... First game is 8 ball pool. Jill feels like she has a fighting chance. Jill racks them, and Madame D sinks the frigging 8 ball on the break! Jill gasps...and Lina smiles. First death( Madame D gets three for one) will be Anais and her two confidantes. They will be on one of Ms. Lina's private planes , drugged and thrown out the cabin door over the Atlantic.That will be happening today. Next game, backgammon. Not only does Madame D win, she gets a gammon. Jill puts her head down and fights back tears. Madame D's choice is Pauline. She will be found eventually having been mauled to death by bears in the nearby mountains.Jill scowls at Lina. Lina just shrugs her shoulders. On to 5 card stud. Nothing wild, except if Jillian draws a joker, she wins automatically. Jill ends up with a full house, but Madame D gets four aces. Jill covers her face with her hands. She assumes Sharon will be next, but no.Madame D has a little twist. Jill will spin a large wheel with various names on it. Wherever it stops, that name will have the next death sentence. Jillian is frozen and her impotence has turned to hatred for this vile, ruthless woman staring back at her. Jill hears herself begging pitifully for Madame D's( demon's?) mercy."You spin or I spin,"Lina matter-of-factly states. Jill can't do it, so Lina spins. Where it stops is on Yung's name! Jill faints...

RoB- Out of Ms. Lina's league

Jill now completely acknowledges that nothing in her frenetic life has been private since she agreed to be branded years ago.Lina knows everything; so she must know that Jill is a recovering addict, and that Jillian's need for violence towards men lives vicariously through the killer cohort she nurtures. The realization that she has figuratively signed death sentences for Pauline and Sharon sends Jillian into a tailspin, and she is strongly tempted to use again.Jill starts to obsess about heroin, but Ms.Lina anticipates this and keeps Jill and Barb on the yacht for their "own welfare." Ms. Lina will not tolerate a drug relapse,and Jill has been warned about any more critical errors in judgment. Jill will need time to process all that has been revealed to her, including Anais' impending fate.Everyone's motives become suspect, so Jill sends Barb to another room and refuses to speak to her. Are all her staff under Ms.Lina's influence? Certainly not Yung...but doubts overwhelm her. Her headache becomes an excruciating migraine, and she lies down and tries to sleep. Certainly her dreams will be no worse than this waking nightmare, a nightmare of her own making and hubris. Jillian tries to soothe herself by thinking about Lily, but even sweet memories of her daughter exacerbate Jill's desire for heroin. Just as Jill starts to fall off to sleep,an unsettling thought strikes her. Why was Ms. Lina at Lily's and Joeffry's funeral services, when she rarely is seen in public and had never met either one? Jillian had always thought it was out of respect for her, but maybe it was something else...

RoB- what the....

Jill stares back at Lina Dontay with equal parts disbelief and admiration.Of course, she knows everything; Lina is one of the most powerful women in the world and controls the global clandestine group of which La Femme Fatale nightclub is only a small piece. Ms.Lina discloses a secret.She has had Jill continually protected yet spied on since weeks before Jill's branding.Ms. Lina's chosen ones are intensely scrutinized and monitored, and Jill's security system and computer safeguards pale next to Lina's resources.Ms.Lina has had daily updates about Jill's whereabouts and actions for years, and Lina also shares that she is doing the same with Anais.Ms. Lina quietly goes through Jill's litany of issues, and admonishes Jill to tell nobody what she is about to confide. Although, Lina condones Jill's revenge on Joeffry, too many innocent people died in the explosion. The reopening of the police investigation "will be handled, but is very inconvenient, " in Lina's words. Despite murdering very bad men,Jillian's covert kill team knows too much about its employer and can complicate and possibly expose the heretofore underground network of branded women. The Minotaur is another of Lina's branded, and the message sent to Anais was to put Anais - and Jill - on notice. Ms. Lina has become wary of Jill's reckless behavior, and has seriously considered Jill's demise, but she thinks of Jill like a petulant daughter who needs chastening, and won't order the hit.As it is, Anais, and her confidantes will meet with a fatal mishap soon.She broke the illicit society's vows and told at least two nonmembers about the Querencia. Jill is held responsible for Anais' reckless action, but the Anais situation will be "contained". However, Ms. Lina will not tolerate one more misstep by Jill. Ms.Lina has disposed of Alina and Myrtle, and will soon be able to do the same with Pauline and Sharon. Jill wonders what will become of Evelynn- who knows everything, except about the veiled meanings of the branded rings and the unconditional loyalty and secrecy mandated by membership.It's as if Ms. Lina has read Jillian's thoughts."Oh," Lina declares, " Evelynn will be ok. I know that she is your closest friend and has worked intimately with you for many years,but she has worked much longer for me."

RoB- another Querencia, part 2

Jillian woke with an incredibly bad hangover. Barb, who had accompanied her to the fete, was sitting on the aqua sofa, reading on her Kindle, waiting for her boss to give her directions upon waking.Barb already has a teakwood serving tray ready with aspirin, ice water, cold compress, and saltines, in case needed,and Jill gratefully uses everything on the tray, glancing at the mermaid clock on the cherrywood wall. 10:30! Jill has only a half hour before meeting Ms. Lina up on deck for breakfast. She decides to lie down 10 more minutes with the compress on her face and then puts on a silk robe and sandals, after washing off her makeup, gargling, and combing her snarled hair.Jill doesn't remember much after the initiate's branding around 1am,and the subsequent celebratory " Happy Birthday " song to Ms. Lina while Baked Alaska is served to all. Barb explains that Jillian, on a dare ( what was she thinking?),gulped a huge brandy sniffer glass full of Grand Marnier after already drinking at least six jiggers of tequila shots. Barb helped Jill to her quarters below deck, and Barb was able to get the fairy wings and Titania costume off of Jill, before Jill passed out. It had been quite an evening indeed! Maya came dressed as Hippolyta, queen of the Amazons, and Anais imbued the character Helena. Ms Lina dressed as Queen Elizabeth the First, and regal she was! The lovely young woman who Lina chose for the honor of being branded is Diann, a creole beauty of a French mother and Namibian father. She is heavily sedated and will not be seen in public for quite a while. Jill walks rather slowly and unsteadily up the stairs to the sunny, upper deck,and again she is thankful when Barb hands her a straw fedora and large sunglasses to wear. Ms.Lina is already seated for breakfast and having her second cup of French press coffee.She too is wearing a hat and shades, and smiles broadly as Jill sits down.Barb finds a deck chair under an awning, out of earshot, and tries to be unobtrusive. All the forest decorations and party's mess have already been completely removed, and the Esprit's deck is once again clean and quiet.The only people left on the yacht are the crew,Diann,Lina 's personal physician, Jill, Barb and Lina. Jill talks about the quartet, the Minotaur, apprehension about Anais,Alina's and Myrtle's deaths, the nightclub bombing, her recent trip to Maya's island and updating her will.Ms. Lina listens attentively, and when Jill finishes her lengthy and convoluted confession, Lina simply nods, takes off her sunglasses and stares unflinchingly at Jillian. "My darling girl", whispers Ms. Lina, "I knew all of this before you told me. Why would you think that I wouldn't?"

I haven't made time recently

I haven 't made time recently to write.Everyday Life intrudes and I have writing setbacks. I will resume shortly.

RoB-another querencia, part one

Jill promised Maya that she would attend the next quarterly gathering,even though Jill usually doesn't go that often. Not only will she have an opportunity to party with Maya, but Anais will be attending as well- her first Querencia since being branded and becoming an official member of la Femme Fatale club. Jill doesn't believe Anais' story about not sharing some of the secret society's information, and Jill also has suspicions about the Minotaur's note. She will observe Anais closely and have Maya do the same.Another compelling reason for her attendance is the host who, coincidentally, is Jill's original benefactor and mentor,senior member of the elite, clandestine group, and the exquisite, elegant woman who chose Jillian for branding many years ago.Rarely seen in public,Jill doesn't see Ms.Lina - as she is called- often. She was at Jill's soiree 4 months ago, but Jill barely had time to talk with her. Before that, they eyed each other at Joeffrey Alexander's memorial service, although they only looked at each other from a distance, never speaking to each other; and Ms.Lina was at Lily's funeral,too. The next Querencia's theme is Midsummer Night's Dream, and Jillian plans to dress as Titania, queen of the fairies, although she is certain others will dress as the same character. Anna Sui has personally committed to making Jill's see-through , iridescent pearl colored silk mini sheath and fairy wings.But all the guests will undoubtedly have beautiful and unique costumes.Ms.Lina will hold the highly anticipated event- which coincides with Ms.Lina's 80th birthday- on her 200 ft.Lurssen built yacht called "Esprit", which she will have transformed into a forest like setting.Jillian will be one of the few to be able to stay overnight and have more time with Ms. Lina - a motherlike figure for her. Jill needs sage advice and hopes to have her older friend's undivided , private attention and counsel for a while to discuss the perfect storm swirling in her life.

RoB-Pauline's and Sharon's mail

Jill and her entourage have been home three days from Maya's island and things are settling back into the daily routine, and Abby and Cheri seem genuinely contrite. Evelynn has not gotten Pauline's and Sharon's mail for about two weeks, so today she will go to the post office, check their PO boxes, and take care of their bills. They have a lot of junk mail and Evelynn tosses that away immediately. What catches her attention, however, is that both of the exiled women have a similarly typed envelope with no return address. She is suspicious.She does not open the two envelopes until she gets back to the house. She gets a pair of latex gloves from Yung's pantry and a large baggie, goes to her room, and with gloves on ,opens the two notes.They are typed exactly the same: " I will wait.I am patient.Take as long as you think you need, but it won 't be long enough." She shows Jill the ominous notes, and Jill shows Evelynn Anais' note from the Minotaur. Maybe they are from the same person, but it isn't clear.Jill feels bombarded once again. Will she be fighting three nemeses? There is the cryptic Minotaur.Then there is Alina's and Myrtle's unknown executioner( or vigilante). Lastly, the " Caboose" bombing investigation has been reopened,and that too is problematic. How soon will she be paying the piper?

RoB- last day in paradise

They were all relaxed after eating the scrumptious luncheon consisting of different tropical salads that even Yung could enjoy with them because Maya has her own cook and housekeeper. Conch salad, salade nicoise, ceviche, and mango and papaya compote are hits as well as the zapote drink, which they can't get back home. Salsa and reggae music alternate through the speakers, and all of them are wearing different, brightly colored pareo/sarongs. Jill realizes that she doesn't have any photos of her and the staff together, so, with the white sand beach and turquoise colored water as the backdrop,Maya takes some candid shots of Jillian,Evelynn,Barbara,Ruby and Yung and a couple more formal poses.All smile ,and their world at that moment seems sweet. They will be returning home tomorrow, but tonight, Jillian will surprise them with a fireworks display and Rolex oyster perpetual Everose gold and diamond watches, while eating Tres Leches Cake. Jill is celebrating, because during this refreshing, self- reflective,weeklong stay, Jill has had a new will drawn up and has gone by speedboat to St.Thomas to have it witnessed, since her beneficiaries can't be witnesses.Maya and Evelynn both have copies, and another copy is left with the law offices in St. Thomas. Jill will have everything in order. "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst."

RoB- Jill's walk on the beach

Jillian enjoys the cool, white sand between her toes and the glorious sunrise as she walks along the deserted shoreline, save for Barb, who keeps a respectful distance but follows her, nevertheless. Jill's mind races as she tries to make sense of the shocking events that have led up to this island getaway.Alina, Myrtle,Anais,the Minotaur and now her bodyguards' affair have combined to give her an unrelenting uneasiness.She never was naive to think that her malfeasance of assembling the illicit quartet would not have dire consequences for her eventually, but she didn't anticipate these latest turn of events, and her epiphany is that her arrogance,misandry and abuse of power and resources will be her downfall. Hubris has toppled many a mightier person than she. Jill decides to treat the next week as if she knows she will shortly die. During the next seven days, Jill will drink a whole bottle of 2008 Mouton Rothchild while she devours a rare filet mignon. She will savor lobster tails while imbibing her favorite Dom Perignon , and she will delight in a grand Marnier soufflé -or two. She will dance wildly like a dervish to Tim Buckley, the Stones and Sarah Vaughn, and and she will take a long swim nude in the beckoning ocean. Jillian will have a massage and facial,and then a delicious foot rub and an exquisitely lengthy pedicure while she sips on an excellent cappuccino. Jillian will play the elegant musical instruments of her youth one more time- the cello, piano and harp. She will ride a horse bareback,play with the adorable house cats,and sing along with a Beatles CD at the top of her lungs. While smoking a few cigarettes and even a Cuban cigar, she will watch for the umpteenth time " Love in the Afternoon" , and then reread her favorite Shakespearean sonnets and get Evelynn to play one last game of chess, backgammon and pool with her. She will deeply kiss all the women who she brought to the island and tell them she loves them, and confess that her middle name is Agnes, and then she will have passionate sex with Maya, the exotic and free-spirited owner of this slice of paradise, who has a top notch staff herself, and shares the same branding on her leg as Jillian. Then Jill will take a luxurious, long nap and have a very pleasant lucid dream about her sweet, darling little Lily. She will wear a series of silk dresses, with no undergarments, and no adornments, other than a fresh orchid in her hair, a turquoise anklet and a matching toe ring .Jillian will concertedly live in the present and savor the moment, because her future seems short-lived.

RoB- fly away

Jill hasn't piloted her 6 seat Cessna Turbonair since her husband's death, but she misses the exhilaration and the sense of privacy and freedom, and the sleek plane's pontoons make it amphibious and convenient. She is skilled and has logged many solo hours, so she surreptitiously arranges to fly with most of the staff to a close friend's private island near the USVI, so they all can unwind and destress, except for Abby and Cheri, who stay behind to keep an eye on the estate, take care of the dogs, and do penance for their severe lapse of judgment.Jill is giving them a second chance to gain her trust. She has had enough turmoil, and doesn't want to have another major change for the time being. Abby and Cheri are moved,appreciative and promise to make amends. Barb is annoyed and not so forgiving. She's glad to get some distance from them for a little while.At least, Barbara will be able to do some triathlon training and that will redirect her energy and anger. As far as Anais goes, she nor anybody else except the ABC crew know that Jill and her entourage have left the estate. When Anais hears from the mysterious Minotaur, Anais will contact Jill at the estate. As a precaution against any further security breech,Jill wants it this way, because she doesn't have much trust in anybody right now, and rightfully so.

RoB- Abby and Cheri

When Barb returns with Jill and Anais from la femme Fatale, she goes directly to the monitoring station so that Cheri or Abby can take her place to be in the house with Jill, because Barb has a bad headache and needs to lie down a while.Barb assumes one of crew is there, since the gates opened to let Jill's Black,750i BMW through. What she walks in on is Cheri and Abby having heated sex.Barb is stunned ; she has been celibate and assumes they have been too, since Jill hired them. Not only is the estate's security compromised, but Barb disdainfully feels like it is almost incestual and a betrayal of her trust and most certainly Jill's trust. She is appalled and alarmed. It isn't because Cheri and Abby are lesbians- she is too - it's because their negligent, deleterious and selfish actions put everyone in jeopardy.

RoB - at the club

Nobody is at La Femme Fatale except a couple workers and Jillian, Anais and Barb. Jillian has Barb sit on one of the plush, deep red sofas on the other side of the large, quiet, darkly lit room, while she and Anais talk. Billy Holiday songs being heard in the background and silent movies playing on one of the large screens keep Barb happily occupied while Jill and Anais discuss the anonymous, threatening letter. The " Minotaur" knows about the Querencia, so Jill wants to know if Anais has told anybody about the initiation and branding. This could spell real trouble for Anais, if she has; the branding of circles indicates unconditional loyalty, so any kind of betrayal of secrecy, will put Anais' life in jeopardy ,and Jillian will be required to tell the clandestine group about the ominous letter. Anais insists she has told nobody and pleads for Jill's help. Jill is not convinced, and decides to send Anais back to Manhattan to wait for more " instructions" from the Minotaur.Then they will proceed from there. Jill suggests that, in the meanwhile, Anais hire a body guard.Jill does not tell her protege about the quartet. Perhaps the " homicide" mentioned in the letter is not connected to her team of killers. Then again,she realizes, maybe it is. There are more questions for Jill than answers...

RoB- the letter

Dear Anais, You don't know me, but I heard about the Querencia, and wanted to know how it worked out that you were invited to attend and then were selected for the branding? I ask because I really could use the " prize" money to move to England and start over.I will understand if you do not wish to communicate with me, but please know that if you do not follow my future instructions, I will clearly implicate you and Jillian Alexander in a recent homicide.I look forward to working with you, and I will be in touch soon. Sincerely, Minotour

RoB -Anais' visit

Anais rolled unexpectedly into town to visit Jillian and the rest of Jill's staff. The surprise visit's ill timing was lost on the ever self- centered Anais who didn't understand everyone's tepid welcome. Although the lockdown was still in effect, Jillian let Anais through the huge iron gates after Barb thoroughly checked the showy Porsche , after Cheri's pat down and after Abby confiscated Anais' phone and IPad. Anais settled into the plush bedroom she had inhabited for weeks after the Querencia;the lavish surroundings comforted her, and she was genuinely excited anticipating the five star treatment she expected to get. Yung's annoyance at the arrival of the surprise guest was evident. Yung remembered how high maintenance Anais could be, but since Jillian agreed to Anais' visit, Yung would remain quiet for Jill's sake, even though she would be frowning a lot. Ruby rolled her eyes when she was told of Anais's arrival and wondered what the young woman's motivation was to visit at this particular time. Jill, also, was considering what Anais' true agenda was, but Anais was a welcome diversion for Jillian who had pretty much not left the grounds since Myrtle's death coming right on the heels as it were of Alina's demise. Evelynn was the most distressed over the interloper.Anais had indeed let Evelynn stay at her apartment when she had been in NYC, but they never had a meal together nor did anything else together, as a matter of fact. Evelynn thought that Anais was aloof and rude; Anais did not know what being a good hostess entailed nor did she care. In Evelynn's opinion, Anais and she could not be friends, because Anais was immature, narcissistic and a Prima Dona. Nobody seemed overjoyed to have Anais at the house, but each woman decided begrudgingly to make the best of it, with the hope that Anais' stay would be short lived. Three days after her arrival, Anais finally showed Jillian the disturbing letter she brought with her.

RoB- Mother's Day

They all thought of their mothers and the obvious fact that they aren 't mothers themselves. Jillian missed her long dead, beloved, doting mother every day, and her darling Lily, of course, died so young, so tragically.... Evelynn despises her negligent and perverse mother, but she got no pleasure in recently seeing how frail she is when Evelynn visited her in NYC. ( Maybe she would die soon.) Evelynn never wants children; she has her family to thank for that.... Sharon had murdered both her parents, Lizzie Borden style, when she was twelve, because they "killed" all the farm animals she raised and adored for food. She was held in Juvenile detention until she was eighteen, and those court records were sealed.She cannot have children because of a botched abortion when she was nineteen.... Ruby still visits her feeble, but sweet mother with dementia , who lives in a high end nursing home about 80 miles from Jill's estate. Her dutiful mother had made sure Ruby's nursing was paid for, but when Ruby graduated, her mother chose that auspicious day to tell Ruby that Ruby had been adopted as an infant and that her biological parents were brother and sister. Ruby will not take any chances with having an abnormal child.... Yung had no memory of her mother or any other family, in fact. She had been a slave in Korea since she was a toddler, then eventually sold for the Sex trade. Jillian had rescued her from that Hell, and eventually, she came to think of Jillian as a mother figure.Yung can't imagine herself being a mother - enough anguish in the world....Abby, Barb and Cheri all have normal, bedroom community, Joan Cleaver type, traditional mothers. All three keep in contact with their caring moms, but don't have much time to visit them. Children? They don't have any time for that either.... Finally, Pauline's mother loved her as Paul, but when Paul became Pauline, she disowned Pauline,and even blames Pauline for the fatal heart attack of Pauline's father.Of course, Pauline is not allowed to see her beautiful, teen daughter Remy, who thinks of her father/ mother as a freak anyway.... Some women have good relationships with their moms ; some women don't. Some women are meant to be mothers; some women are not.

If it were you ( lyrics for a song)

If it, if it were you...You'd feel joy, never feel bad...If it,if it were you, you'd shout and dance, if it were you. But, hey, it wasn't, and what did you do? Walked away and left me stunned. If it, if it were you, you'd be proud, never be cold.If it, if it were you. The sun would rise and set with Love, but I wasn't that for you; no, I wasn't that for you. If it, if it were you,I'd never leave.

I need a little vacation from writing

I'm taking a mental break. I'll get back to the blog in a few days.

RoB- more tattoos

After each murder, Pauline celebrated with more ink. Phyrrus- scarecrow on fire. Sexton - $100 bill with Pauline's face on it.Atila- baby with fangs. Evelynn's brother- capital G with x over it. Now she decided to get two more tattoos in memory of her dead teammates. Alina- black stiletto with studs. Myrtle- unicorn. She paid cash and had them inked at the same time.( She had to get out of her depressing motel room; it was beginning to remind her of prison time.) All the while, however, Pauline could only think about the safety of her ex-wife Jean and beautiful daughter Remy. Will they be in the crosshairs of her latest predicament?

Comment about the story I am writing

I had planned to have a plot twist after settling the reader into thinking the female serial killer quartet would be having more projects, and that would be the ongoing focus.Now, someone is killing off the killers, so to speak, and a mystery component is added. The questions are: Are you rooting for malevolent Pauline and Sharon- with all her perverse "trophies" ( moral ambiguity because, after all, evil men justifiably died)? Do we feel bad that Alina and Myrtle died? Should we be able to get away with murder? Who's killing off the team and making it look like suicides? Will there still be more "projects"? What about Evelynn and Jillian? What about Jill's staff? None of the main women are very likable, and they all are suspect. Some bad men died, but the women are the bad guys, too. I am enjoying the process, wherever it leads.

RoB: Short list?

Sharon Chiron couldn't sleep and kept looking at her bedside clock. 2:28 am; 3:01 am ; 3:17 am. Exasperated,she finally got up and went to the small kitchen. The extended stay hotel served her purposes well, but she felt some paranoia, and her insomnia was a side effect. She reached for the goat cheese to spread on some rosemary crackers, and poured herself a small glass of milk. As she ate, she thought of the men she had killed, not with remorse, but as a short list in her mind of related people who may be trying to kill her. Her dead husband has no relatives, and neither does she. Check. Her first kill with the quartet was Trey Pyrrhus,pedophile. Maybe someone had seen the group the night of his murder- to be investigated.Second kill was Robert Sexton, who had bilked his female prey out of millions. The Sangue situation will need to be revisited. Third hit was the young teenager Len Atila, baby killer. Did the motel's night manager or a motel guest see something? The latest murder for the quartet was Evelynn's perverted, rapist brother Garrett, although he is officially only " missing." We did her a favor, didn't we? Could Evelynn want Sharon dead? And then there's Jillian, the mastermind, so to speak...what about her? and neither Sharon nor any of the defunct quartet had met Jill's staff...Finally....Pauline.... her only friend left alive. Could she be the betrayer? Sharon grimaced and wondered whether Pauline was also pondering these same disturbing questions. Sharon was wide awake and decided to read more of Dante's "Inferno" ,which she had begun when she started her exile, until she would hopefully get drowsy. "It milks the tears that boiling brook unlocks." She loved all the punishments and contemplated in what ring she would be located."The stream of blood, where those who injure others,boil....the bloodred, boiling ditch's banks, beside the piercing cries of those that boiled...." She momentarily forgot about her dangerous predicament and smiled.

RoB: ABC on guard

Without being too specific, the ABC crew ( Abby, Barb and Cheri) was told to be on high alert and extra vigilant 24/7 for the next few weeks.Jill and Evelynn had been"threatened", and that's all the crew needed to hear. Jillian assured them that they would get extra compensation, and ABC needed to guard her and Evelynn if either woman left the estate. The dobermans were allowed to roam the property, and the cameras and security system were double checked and scrutinized.The crew was happy to step up its game, because ABC admitted that they had become somewhat complacent with their wonderful jobs. They felt reinvigorated and essential, and ABC vowed they would protect and defend Jillian, Evelynn and property. Jillian recognized their excellence, and especially with this nebulous danger, she felt safe within the confines of her estate. In addition,nobody was allowed on the estate for any kind of "maintenance, delivery, or visitation". Ruby, Yung and ABC all joined in Jill's protection.Jillian developed a bunker mentality, and she doesn't deal well with uncertainty.

RoB: Get out of town.

Pauline and Sharon were visibly shaken when they met Jillian and Evelynn at a private club, called , appropriately,"La Femme Fatale." Jill wanted to make sure no photos were taken or no surveillance could be done on them, which might have happened if they had met elsewhere in public. The club was very discreet and only women were admitted,members who had been branded or guests who knew a 7 digit code that changed four times a day. Evelynn and Jill were already seated when Pauline got there, and then Sharon showed up a little after that. Jill gave them plenty of cash, small suitcases with some new clothes and toiletries,fake IDs and untraceable phones and told them to get out of town now,and not together,not stopping at their apartments etc., until the deaths of their teammates were figured out. No other phones,no texts, no emails, no credit cards. Wait for a one word text from Evelynn when contact may be resumed. Days? Weeks? Months? They were instructed to tell nobody - including each other - where they would be hiding out.Their lives could well depend on it. In addition,Pauline and Sharon were assured that Evelynn would pay their bills and have their mail held.The club's underground escape tunnel would take each one away from the building, and Jill had Pauline leave first, after giving her directions and keys to a Ford Fusion which was parked about a mile away. A while later Sharon left to find the KIA that she would use. Evelynn and Jillian took a completely different exit, which landed them in a club member's apartment building about 2 blocks away.Yes, all Hell had broken loose, and they were all justifiably worried.

RoB: Myrtle 's " suicide"

The Atlanta news station announced that the police identified the drowned body as that of "Myrtle Rinier, age 34,widow, no children. Apparent suicide. Longtime worker at soup kitchen.Body found this morning in Savannah River after what appears to be a fatal jump off the Talmidge Bridge." Evelynn practically spit out the coffee she was sipping as she heard this astonishing news. Myrtle's purse, shoes and coat were left on the bridge, and that was the reason her body was identified so quickly. Next of kin had not been located at this point, but the soup kitchen manager, who had been interviewed did not think Myrtle had any close relatives. Evelynn's mind raced. Why had Myrtle been in Savannah? Why now? It was " too coincidental" that Myrtle's drowning should occur only a little over five weeks after Alina's hanging.Someone knew about the quartet and was targeting them, or Pauline and Sharon had some explaining to do.Either explanation was deeply problematic.

RoB: Jill's and Evelynn's revelations

The week turned into a month, so they were both overjoyed to reunite. The cliche " a sight for sore eyes" equally applied to Jill and Evelynn, because neither had slept well the past few weeks, both preoccupied with Alina's death, without the other knowing it. Evelynn hugged Jill - the only person she ever hugged- and Jill didn't want to let go. Evelynn caught Jill up about Anais as well as her visit to her mother. Jill filled Evelynn in about the goings on at the estate and other business matters. Two hours flew by, and they laughed so much, that both needed to use the bathroom. When they returned to Jill 's library, the mood changed.Both had been delaying the Alina discussion, but Jill broached the subject straight on."I don't think Alina's death was a suicide." Evelynn gasped and revealed that she had believed the same almost from the first moment she had heard of Alina's hanging.Over five weeks had passed since Alina's death,so assuming she was murdered, it was going to be a cold trail.Jill suggested that it might have been the Rodriguez brothers, it which case the question was moot. Evelynn posed the idea of the possible murder being committed by one of the other quartet members. Jill thought it unlikely, but didn't dismiss the theory out of hand. The ladies mulled over the possible scenarios and went through the "suspect" list carefully.Nobody stood out more than anyone else,and after what seemed like hours, Jill and Evelynn took a break and went to the kitchen to get something to eat. Yung wasn 't there, so they got themselves some chicken salad from the frig and a pitcher of iced tea. While eating, they concluded that doing nothing might be the best course of action. They could be wrong about their assumptions, and there certainly wasn 't much to go on. Unless something evidentiary comes to light they will accept the autopsy and police report. Perhaps they should just move on and get over the unfortunate event.Evelynn thought they were callous; Jill thought they were pragmatic.They shrugged.

RoB- Jillian's conundrum (34th entry)

Jillian just couldn't shake off Alina's untimely death.There were two categories of deaths for her: people Jill loved and people she hated. She didn't love Alina - especially the way she had loved her darling daughter Lily -but she didn't hate her either.So a third category.... It was more of a business relationship; and of course since she and Alina had been complicit in a few men 's deaths,they were forever tied through their murderous actions.Jill considered filling Alina's spot in the quartet, but dismissed it, since the other "lethal"women had already bonded.Besides, she thought, the trio would be fine, even though Alina's youth and energy were advantages for the misfit group of misandrists, because the others were all approaching middle age. Jillian gave the man killers a month off to grieve, but part of the leave of absence was for herself as well. She knew what malevolent projects she wanted "executed", but she was preoccupied with the hanging. Had she so misread Alina to miss her suicidal thoughts? Jill thought Alina's anger,misandry and need for revenge would drive her forward, not be halted by despair.She couldn't talk to anyone except Evelynn about the Alina " problem ", because no one else knew of the quartet- now trio. She loved the ABC crew,Yung and Ruby, and Jill would be devastated by any one of their deaths.This somehow made her think that she should feel more disconsolate about Alina than she did. Jill recognized that Evelynn was her anchor, her dearest friend of all, so she would just wait until Evelynn returned from her brief sabbatical to New York City. She knew Evelynn was a voice of reason and the perfect- albeit only- sounding board for Jillian's nagging feeling that the young murderer was herself murdered .Jill knew in her gut that Alina's death was a homicide not suicide.

250 posts ; 15,500 views ; thank you

Well, it isn't half way through the year yet, but I am persevering with my story "River of Blood". I have 32 posts related to RoB, and I'm hanging in there with my New Year's resolution to " get it done." The act of focused writing has proven arduous for me. If you have read any of the framework, the story concerns a team of female serial killers, but one of them has died as a plot twist, so more to follow. If you go back to January postings, anything entitled River of Blood or RoB will show my thought processes about the story in sequence from January until now. Will I write a whole book? I don't know. This is my first concerted effort - mental practice you might say- and I may end up going a whole other route with a different idea to explore. I have the time. I appreciate the people who take time to read my blog; I know you could be doing a dozen other things. So could I, I guess. Thank you.BTW, it's Easter weekend, so I will blog again starting Monday.

Easter

He is risen! Halleluia! I love Easter! I look forward to worshipping and then having brunch with my family. I hope you all have a wonderful day.

RoB- Fallout over Alina

Myrtle 's despondency over Alina's death hindered any immediate planning for the team's next project. Jillian gave all three the next month off in hopes that it would be enough time to for everybody to get some closure on the terrible event. What was surprising to Jill was how hard Evelynn was dealing with the whole thing. Evelynn wanted some time off too, and Jill agreed. Evelynn agreed to check on Anais first, however, since they had not contacted the young Querencia initiate since Anais left the estate and got her pricey apartment in Manhattan.Perhaps Anais would be hospitable and let Evelynn stay with her for a week or so. They could see " Kinky Boots" together, go to MoMA and hear some Woody Allen and his band at the Carlyle. Evelynn loved New York and hoped it would lift her spirits.She would indulge in some guilty food pleasures and have a Hotdog or two from a street stand, some Lombardi's pizza and Carnegie Deli's over- the- top pastrami sandwich.But there was another reason she was glad to be in New York. She would visit her frail mother and feign sadness over her hapless brother's disappearance.

RoB - regroup

The manner in which the grieving trio decided to honor Alina's memory was to kill her acid attacker Santiago Rodriguez and then plant a hidden murder/ suicide note among Alina's possessions as if she had planned the deed. Time, therefore, was of the essence,since Alina had been dead for almost four days, and with Jillian's approval, Evelynn supplied the pertinent research info and a recent photo. S.R. had conveniently been arrested recently and was released on bond to his brother Miguel. Both brothers had very long rap sheets including Santiago's non guilty verdict for assaulting Alina, so getting bond and being put in his brother's sole care was yet another ludicrous example of the " injustice" of the court, but at least the women had a current address.Pauline, Sharon and Myrtle waited and waited but finally watched the two men get into an old chevy Impala , and Pauline followed at a distance. She had placed the small but effective car bomb under the Impala's hood earlier that day, and they would detonate it with a remote when the car was a safe distance from anybody else.Earlier that day, Myrtle slipped into Alina's apartment and placed the typed note, with gloved hands, into one of Alina's medical textbooks , just having it stick out enough to be seen. The note would have no fingerprints on it, but they decided to go through with the plan anyway.It would appear that the motive was revenge- which it certainly was- and also appear that the bomb was on a timer, based on when the car would be started, which could then explain why the car exploded after Alina's death; perhaps it would be concluded that the Rodriguez brutes had no reason to drive anywhere for a few days.Alina's note would state that as long as one of Rodriguez's family was maimed or killed , that would satify her.Of course, the conspiring trio intended to kill more than one family member. The main thing was the pond scum known as the Rodriguez brothers would be dead. Sharon merrily detonated the bomb, and that was that. Later the women drank shots of agave tequila, Alina's favorite alcohol,making toasts in her name and waxing nostalgic about how kind, smart, talented and good she was, and that the lovely Miss Buitrago died way too young - forever a virgin. Meanwhile at the estate, Evelynn wondered whether Alina 's death was really a suicide. She would keep that nagging thought to herself for now.

RoB - unexpected death

Evelynn stared at the cell phone in her shaky hand for what seemed like a long time after she talked to Pauline. Pauline was crying as she shared the shocking news that Alina was found dead earlier that morning from an apparent suicide. The quartet had been home less than a week from their road trip to Death Valley and Vegas, and Alina, in particular, seemed very cheerful and relaxed, and was looking forward to the team's next project. This made the terrible announcement even more jarring and confusing.Alina had hanged herself, and no note or clue to her reason was evident. Alina's housekeeper had found the body, and the investigators figured that Alina had been dead for at least two days. Myrtle was the first to know, because the police found her name with the number of the Southside Soup Kitchen where Myrtle still worked once a week. Myrtle immediately called Sharon and Pauline, and they met at the Downtown park an hour later. They realized that they could 't claim Alina's body or even show up at any possible funeral or memorial service. They would have their own private gathering later, but first they had to break the news to Jillian, and see what their boss wanted them to do or not to do.Pauline called Evelynn so that Evelynn could tell Jill that the quartet was now a trio. Jill listened, then requested that Evelynn take care of making " an anonymous donor's" payment for cremation.Jill went to her bedroom to be alone the remainder of day. Evelynn talked to the house staff. ABC, Yung and Ruby were only told that a friend of Jill's had died, and that Jill did not want to be disturbed.

R of B- Vegas break

The quartet settled into an averaged priced hotel a block off the strip. Each got her own standard room, but the plan was to meet up for dinner and to see a show.Together,they seemed like an unlikely grouping. Sharon, middle aged and biracial,who cared nothing for fancy clothes, seemed like the default leader of the group and managed to keep them organized and on schedule both now and while they planned and "executed" their projects. She was the only one of the four who liked mementos/ trophies of the men they had killed. Alina, with her severe facial scarring, often repulsed strangers who gave her eye contact. Ironically,the rest of her body could be a double for Scarlet Johannsen, and Alina always dressed very stylishly. Myrtle's grandmotherly, benign look fooled many acquaintances, because she cursed a lot and drank a lot and got very loud when she chose. The most visibly noticeable member was Pauline who dressed to the nines and loved to wear lots of makeup and jewelry. Already tall, Pauline would wear very high heels, and had the look of a woman who may have once done modeling. They decided to eat at the Bellagio's top restaurant , because they all felt like splurging and getting some mental distance from their most recent hot, dirty desert job.They all ordered rare filet and lobster. They had male waiters , and Sharon gave them a hard time. In fact, all four women were really demanding throughout the meal time, but they left a 25% tip which most assuredly surprised the waitstaff. Then they went to see Celine Dion by paying through the nose to get last minute tickets, and enjoyed the concert tremendously. Afterwards, they all found it amusing that not one of them wanted to gamble.They decided to do that the next day when they would play Black Jack in the high roller area.So they went back to the hotel, changed and got into the hot tub. With nobody else around, they drank a bottle of Grand Marnier, smoked a couple joints, and felt themselves relax and enjoy this particular evening of post-mortem chatting and laughing. The unusual team had coalesced.

R of B: 7B Death Valley Lane ,part 2

The quartet was getting more efficient with their projects. Evelynn's brother Garrett was , in fact, an easy target. He stayed in a rundown, small apartment that didn't even have air-conditioning, and no security locks nor any cameras. Sharon and Pauline easily suffocated him with the plastic bag and wire, and they carried him to the trunk and threw him in. They were the only ones on the dark road and even though it was 3am, the temperature in the valley was already 97. They pulled up to the designated spot and left the headlights on. Alina and Myrtle were waiting with shovels in hand.The hole was certainly deep enough and wide enough to hold the body, and they all got busy throwing the dirt back on top of the corpse until the makeshift grave had been filled.Sweaty and exhausted from the heat, all four were relieved to get back into the car and turn on the air-conditioning and gulp their bottles of Gatorade. They took turns driving so they could all sleep,and two hours later they were in Las Vegas ready to clean up and spend a long weekend celebrating their relatively easy kill. Alina called Jill who in turn gave the happy news to Evelynn. Evelynn proceeded to have her best night of sleep in years.

She would have been 94

Yesterday would have been Al's Mother's birthday. Since she died after her last Year's birthday, this was a difficult"anniversary." She was a wonderful mother, and I miss her greatly too. She had a full life with such a strong constitution and will to live! She seemed to bounce back from the brink of death just like a cat with "nine lives." I' m so thankful to have had such a loving and caring mother-in-law. So many women don't.

R of B - 7B Death Valley Lane, part 1

Garrett moved to Death Valley a month ago, and Jill told Evelynn that her perverted brother's "time" had come.Jill insisted that Evelynn could have no part in her older brother's demise. Alibis and secrecy were necessary. Evelynn was content to know the S.O.B. would get his, and she gave up her long held fantasy that she would be able to torture him. He'll be dead; good riddance. The " quartet " would be taking a road trip, avoiding any airline connection to Evelynn's town. Evelynn is giddy; she has waited many years for justice.

Excellence -speech rough draft for keynote address

Why, when given options , would you ever accept mediocrity for yourself? Choose excellence! Aristotle once said, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit." According to Oxford Dictionary excellence is: The state of surpassing ordinary standards, having extreme merit,or diligence and perseverance to excel in any given pursuit." Decide to be excellent!Tonight, you have been chosen for induction into the National Honor Society, because of your well-rounded excellence which distinguishes you from many of your high school peers.You have demonstrated that excellence in the four pillars of NHS- academics, leadership, service and character. To me the striving for continued excellence not only is to be valued but is a virtuous, lifelong endeavor.Someone once quipped that "excellence is not an event but a lifestyle.Continuing to execute one thing at a time excellently defines who you will become." Foster that excellence.Continue with your proven academic commitment and determination, and you will reach your goals with excellence.Excellence is not a skill but rather an essential focused attitude which develops the skills you seek.[insert anecdote] Strive to do better and to be better.Have high expectations for yourself, but be humble. Thank your parents, teachers,coaches and others who have nurtured that excellence; you would not have gotten this far ,so successfully, without their support and encouragement. Don't forget that! I want to close with a poem by Brian Tracy entitled "Change Your World." [insert poem]. Congratulations on this prestigious accomplishment, and continue to choose excellence. Thank you. 0ver 45 years ago I sat in a venue similar to this awaiting my NHS induction too. I 'll never forget that the speaker talked about how important it is to always strive for excellence, that it should be the mettle we are made of.For instance, Everyone expects excellent service when needed. If you were to get surgery would you want a doctor who had the reputation of getting average results? This prestigious rite of passage has been steeped in tradition and honor since 1921,and it is not outdated because excellence never goes out of style.It is always relevant.Cal Ripkin, Van Cliburn, Katie couric, Meryl Streep,presidents and many other extraordinarily talented and excellent people in their respective fields began their " most excellent adventures" with this accolade. Good evening inductees and guests.

Lent

I have given up meat, bread and TV on Wednesdays and Fridays during Lent, which began only two weeks ago. Now you might not think this would be difficult or " sacrificing" ,but it definitely has already proven to be challenging for me. These three items' absence has already shown how obsessed with them I am ,but I am persevering. I am also giving up clutter, so to speak. ( 40 bags in 40 days). Yep, I have a lot of excess stuff. All of this is rather humbling for me. Self - improvement isn't an easy job.

Vernal equinox

The first day of Spring and everything is in bloom. The Bartlett pear trees, daffodils,and crocus all make me smile. If I were in Michigan, it wouldn't look like this beautiful, sunny, warm day. Atlanta truly follows the seasons unlike the unpredictable Michigan springtime. The weather here makes me happy. It is my favorite season in Georgia. My favorite season in Michigan is the early fall. Different strokes....

3/17-3/18 "Graim thu"

I love St. Paddy's Day.Yes, I like Reubens and Guinness, but it was the day Alfredo and I met 40 years ago exactly, and we often go out for lunch instead of the craziness in the evening. This year we won't be together because Al is in St.Louis for a sales meeting. He started a new job 3 weeks ago, so he has quite the learning curve right now. The 18th would have been my parents' 65 anniversary - Al and I met the day before my parents' 25th anniversary and party. So these two particular dates are especially meaningful.Not a day goes by that I don't think about my mom and dad; I was lucky to be their daughter, and I'm lucky to be Alfredo's wife.I always wanted to be at least half the wonderful woman and mother my mom was. Sometimes I feel like I've achieved that, and other times I feel like I 've failed miserably. One certainty remains.I have been blessed with unconditional love most of my life - because of my parents and husband- and many people cannot say that. "Slainte!Graim thu!"( Irish for cheers! I love you!) Btw, I started writing my blog on 3/17 last year, and I've stuck with it pretty well. The four leaf clover....

R of B- Lily

Jillian stared at the small blue juice glass, remembering the joy of watching her amazing young daughter Lily drink from it, and when Lily spilled the pineapple juice, as she often did, they would laugh and clean it up, and pour some more. This morning ritual on the back terrace was treasured time to Jillian, and she wished she had more precious moments recorded such as this.Lily's shiny thick black hair style and dark eyes often had people commenting that she would make a perfect "Dora the explorer" or Buttercup,the power puff character. So Lily wanted to watch both shows frequently, and even named her dog "Dora" and her pony "Buttercup". Lily loved the color green and always wore it. Her adorable smile and dimples disarmed people, and Jillian's friends frequently asked to take Lily places such as the zoo, circus, park, etc., because Lily always seemed to enjoy wherever she went and never gave anybody any problem. Why didn't Joffrey like Lily? Jillian couldn't figure it out. Lily resembled her father greatly , and she adored him, but Joffrey rarely hugged or kissed her, and never played with her.Lily was indulged but wasn't a brat.Her nanny and the other estate employees really enjoyed her , and she was a bright light in everyone's day, everyone except her busy, aloof daddy. She swam like a fish, so the drowning " accident" confused and traumatized the whole household.Joffrey had agreed to sit by the pool and watch Lily, because the nanny had the day off ,and Jillian was in town at the salon.Joffrey had done this before and didn't seem to mind because he only had to keep an eye on Lily and not interact with her. When Jillian returned from the salon, there was an ambulance in the driveway, and an EMT trying to resuscitate Lily to no avail. The funeral and investigation were a blur for Jillian, and her already tepid marriage disintegrated.The blue glass and memories... Today is Lily's birthday, but there won't be any party.

R of B- Jillian's obsession

Jillian had long harbored the secret desire to exact deadly revenge on her arrogant, philandering husband, Joeffry Alexander,even before the media exposed his torrid affair with an underage model, who later killed herself after becoming pregnant with his child. Joeffry's lack of remorse infuriated her, and the unrelenting, salacious publicity shamed and humiliated her. Her subsequent divorce proceedings became tabloid fodder, but she triumphed with an astronomical, historic financial settlement. She decided to keep the last name of " Alexander" , not because she still wanted to be connected to Joeffry, but to piss him off. Jill always believed that their young daughter's "accidental" drowning death five years before the divorce had Jeoffry's fingerprints all over it, but the long, ugly investigation turned up nothing, and the coroner 's findings stood. She planned and waited, and escaped into heroin. When Joeffry and his new girlfriend decided to hold their engagement party at " the Caboose", Jillian chose that dubious celebration for the doomed nightclub's bombing. All that was left was to make the phone call. 23 people died in the apparent terrorist explosion. She didn't care.

"mobile homes"

I'm going to see " trailer trash- the musical" this weekend. It should be a hoot. I never minded living in a mobile home back in the 70's (five years when I lived in Michigan). I saved enough money for a down payment on my first house that way. In fact, many of my neighbors were widowed women. But in Georgia, I must say,trailer parks here are very sketchy and seedy -lots of drugs and many illegal immigrants.I am glad and thankful that we could help Adam get a town house in a nice neighborhood. If he lived in a trailer park, I would have a lot of sleepless nights.

Eutony

Perspicacious, ebullient,sapiosexual, scripturient, Selcouth - aren't these obscure descriptors lovely for their specificity? I wish I could be defined as such, but, at least, my closest friends have these qualities.

Uninspired

I haven 't been blogging because I have felt uninspired. I decided that I would catch up on some of my to- read - books on Kindle, hoping to get some of that inspiration that is eluding me. Reading is good for my soul and mind.

Migraine mind mush

I've had a migraine for two days, and it 's finally gone. If you have never had a migraine,it is quite the uber headache. I see spots, have blurred vision,can't stand light or noise, and I vomit. My sister has migraines so bad that she has a presription for shots. I'm not at that point I suppose, but I literally can't think or do anything when I have one. Sometimes they will go away in a few hours, but two days seems like an eternity. That is why I haven't been blogging.

Misunderstood....

When I send email photos, graphics, jokes, etc.to people, I only send them to people I actually like, love, care about. I recently sent a message to a couple of friends that read:
"My memory misses you.It thinks about you all the time." I thought it was a lovely sentiment, showing that I miss these individuals.Well, I was told by one that, " she didn't like being a memory and was that all she was to me anymore?" I apologized for the misunderstanding and tried to explain my rationale for sending it. She would prefer emails in my own words. OK, I hear that. If any of you feel that same way, please let me know.I never have had the intention of hurting someone 's feelings, and if I have, I'm sorry.

Rof B - PO Box 1217, part two

The seedy motel did not have any cameras. Pauline made sure of that weeks ago. The old stained bathtub was filled and they placed the unconscious naked boy in the water. Using the switchblade,Sharon cut deep lines in the boy's wrists.The knife dropped into the bloody water, and Atilla's body was half submersed.Atila's clothes were rumpled on the floor, and he had fake ID in one of his pockets, along with about $70 which they left alone. He never regained consciousness. Alina checked for a pulse a little while later,and there wasn't one.It will appear to be a suicide. The quartet left the truck and its contents for the police to investigate. Alina had almost vomited when she looked under the tarp.Three dead, decomposing infants.What the hell? The four women have not been told the reasons behind Jill's project choices, but so far,discovering Phyrrus' pedophilia, Sexton's massive fraud,and Atila's infanticide is enough. The ladies leave very quietly around 4 am, and once in the car pull off their latex gloves which they have worn since midnight. They pick up Alina's car at the theater, and then they go have breakfast at the same Waffle House where Atila was earlier. They are all hungry.They discover that they all like rare steak. Another job finished, they will sleep well tonight.

R of B - PO Box 1217, part 1

Myrtle and Pauline aren't sure that they can kill a kid, even though he isn't a child per se.Len Atila is 14, homeless and elusive. Jill had told them it would be a crap shoot, but with no known address, they take turns watching the post office box, through binoculars.12 days go by, and nobody shows up to open box 1217, but just about 7pm on day 12, a hooded young guy wearing sunglasses takes out a stack of mail from the box and heads back outside and gets into a beat up, old ,red, Ford 150 truck. Nobody else is in the vehicle, and the male takes off his hood and glasses and sits reading his mail.He looks like the photo they have of Atila. Pauline drives, and they follow the truck, while Myrtle writes down the license plate number. The next stop is Waffle House,and they watch him closely as he sits at the fairly full counter and orders a coke and waffle.After eating ,he uses the bathroom, comes outside and looks like he is going to take a nap.In another 45 minutes, he wakes up and gets on the road again. Driving to a Walmart not far away,the alleged Atila parks the truck and goes inside. It is about 10 pm. Myrtle grabs a cart and heads for the Ford.Nothing is out of the ordinary in the back of the truck, but on the front passenger side there is a tarp on the floor with something wrapped in it. The doors are locked,so she heads back to the car, and they wait some more. Much later, the young male emerges and smokes a couple cigarettes. He has not been in a hurry to do anything, and sits there for quite a while.Myrtle calls Sharon and catches her up on the evening's events. Sharon and Alina are ready to meet them and take the next step, but where and when are still question marks.His next stop is the movie theater.He buys a ticket for one of the Midnight shows. Myrtle calls and gets Sharon and Alina to meet them at the cinema parking lot. Time lapses, more waiting.The evening has felt like an eternity. When Atilla comes out, Alina is leaning against his truck crying and tells him her boyfriend took off with her phone and car.Atila suggests that she get into his truck, and he'll take her home. At that moment the rest of the quartet jumps on him, and Sharon administers Etorphine, knocking him out almost immediately.They drive the truck and car to a nearby, run down, hourly motel , and Myrtle gets into an unoccupied room without any problems and without checking in.