Finishing

My story idea is finished, and instead of being relieved, happy, satisfied, whatever, I feel melancholy. I have been having labor pains since January, so to speak, and the inevitable conclusion seems bittersweet. I have had quite the learning curve and I realize that yes, I want to continue to write. Just like with people when one never forgets her first love, I will never forget this first effort, and I saw it to a kind of completion. This old dog still can hunt.

RoB- Jill's resolve, part 2

The time has come, Jillian thinks to herself. Sharon arrives promptly and approaches the darkly lit corner area with privacy drapes around it, where Jillian sits stone like . Sharon smiles, sits down, folds her hands and says, "It's over?" Sharon refers, of course, to her exile. Jill just responds with, "Yes!" Sharon shows obvious relief and relaxes. Jill pours Sharon a glass of Frangelico, from the crystal decanter of liquer which they have been served, and then she pours one for her. They toast to the future, and drink. Within seconds, both women experience dizziness, trouble breathing and cardiac arrest.The cyanide has done its work. Jill's last thought is of Lily. Will they be at last reunited,or will this last heinous, lethal act forever separate them in death as well?

RoB - Jillian's resolve, part one

Jillian dozed off on the living room sofa,so Jung and Barb stayed with her.When she woke, Jung hurried off to get her some juice and another cold compress.Barb sat across from Jill and waited patiently for instructions,as she often did. Jillian is glad she saved Barb and Jung from Lina's death wheel; they are loyal and trusted employees.She tells Barb about the new will, and says that if anything happens to her, there is a copy in her bedroom safe. Jillian tells Barb the safe's combination and asks her to tell nobody else, including Evelynn. In fact, Jillian asks Barb to confide nothing to Evelynn, and Barb nods although she is taken aback. Jillian asks Barb to contact Maya, too if she must get the will. Maya will know what to do. Jill has decided what she must do about Sharon, and she is amazingly calm.

RoB - What's Love got to do with it?

Jill wants to be back in her home, but she doesn't know how it will go with Evelynn, and her anguish over Ruby's fate consumes her. Seeing Abby, Cheri and Jung comforts her momentarily, but when she eyes Evelynn walking towards her with arms outstretched, she wells up and curses. Jill will never feel close to Evelynn again, and she can't help but have an image of Evelynn as Ms. Lina's marionette. Jill is curt and wants to know if Evelynn contacted Sharon. Evelynn nods, and says she sent Sharon the one word text" yes", so Sharon will be at the club tomorrow night at 8 pm.Jill must figure out before then how she will kill Sharon.She doesn't want to do it, and with everything on her mind,Jill has a panic attack, all the while imagining that Lina is smiling over Jill's conundrum.Jung rushes to get a cold compress for Jill's forehead, but when Evelynn tries to help her to the sofa, Jill pushes her away. It's going to be a long night,and Jill doesn't want to face tomorrow's imminent reckoning with Sharon - and with herself. (She wishes Ruby were here to give her a sedative, but that won't be happening.) Lina's mind games aren't over, and Jillian despairs.She trusts nobody, not even herself.

Sports intermission

Usually sports do not interfere with my days and/ or writing. Well, I've had the perfect storm the past week: French Open, Stanley Cup finals, NBA finals, and last but not least, World cup to my heart's content.I will get back to writing soon. Soooo many good male specimens to look at( e.g.,German coach), so little time.

RoB- chess with the Grim Reaper

Jill is reminded of Bergman's "The Seventh Seal" where Max Von Sydow's character plays chess with Death, except Jill didn't ask to play, and her ability is mediocre at best. Madame D's " Game Night" has really been about head games,and Jillian despairs. Jillian has tremendously underestimated Lina's abilities, power and ruthlessness. Simply to look at Ms. Lina, one sees an elegant, quiet, elderly woman who must have been exceptionally beautiful in her prime.To know her intimately, one begins to see the tip of the calculating, brilliant leader's iceberg. Jill has had her comeuppance, and she truly recognizes how impotent she is against such a life force. She saved Yung and Barb at least, but her mind dwells on Anais,Pauline,Ruby and the others. Jill has always paid for others to murder for her. That she must kill Sharon by herself, not only frightens her; she doesn't think she ultimately will be able to do the deed. Also, of the 4 members of the quartet, Sharon is the most psychopathic and sadistic. Sharon's collection of body trophies predated her joining Jill's kill team. Jill saw the usefulness of Sharon's gruesome propensities when she hired her;killing Sharon will be daunting to say the least. Jill could not eat with Lina, because she was queasy,overwhelmed and apprehensive.She even vomited twice while waiting for the chess match to commence, which begins promptly at 10pm.Jill wonders how an eighty year old woman can have so much energy as she sits down at the game table.The chess pieces are exquisitely hand carved from ebony and ivory as is the board. Next to the board is a small stack of monogrammed blue cards. Every time a chess piece is lost, except pawns, a card will be drawn and read by the person whose piece is lost. Lina tells Jill to shuffle the cards? Madame D has changed into blue silk pajamas with fushia colored slippers. She looks regal and impervious, and will be, without a doubt, a formidable opponent. All Jill did was change her vomit stained blouse;she has never cared less about her attire. D offers to let Jill choose to have black or white. Jill decides to be White and sets up the Ruy Lopez opening;D counters with the French defense. Traps have been avoided by both players.Jill gives up two pawns, but so far so good, because her two bishops control the diagonals.Then Lina says something interesting about Chess being a metaphor for Life. " Strategy requires thought; tactics require observation, " according to Max Euwe, 1936 grand master, she quips. Jill loses a bishop and draws a card which announces, " You will pay a charity of your opponent's choice $100,000." Jillian is almost relieved.She expected another death sentence. Now Jill loses her knight. The next card states that, " You will work in a soup kitchen for sixty days." Jill frowns; Lina smirks. Jill is over her head and makes a premature queen move after castling unnecessarily. She loses piece after piece, and the cards are adding up."You will read to elementary children once a week for the entire next school year." "You will volunteer at the local nursing home for at least two weeks." " You will not wear cosmetics or have your hair colored for 3 months." Jill begins to see a pattern. She must focus on others and not herself. Checkmate is imminent, and Jill turns over one last card. "You will never see one person of your opponent's selection again." Lina rises from her seat ceremoniously, and says she will be going to bed.Then she announces that her selection for who Jill will never see again is Maya, in essence, a figurative death. Jill is spent; Lina has broken and tamed her... and still, she has the Sharon situation with which to contend.

RoB- gambling night with Madame D, part 2

Jill tries to regain her composure as Barb fans her and spritzes water on her face.Barb thinks Jill has fainted from the heat and sun. Jill has made a pact with the devil; she cannot look at Lina. A few minutes pass and Jill is prepared to continue what feels to her to be a foregone conclusion. Jill argues that Yung is an innocent and asks her tormentor for " double or nothing." If Jill wins,she insists,Yung and another woman will be totally saved, with no imprisonment either, and if she doesn't, well...Jill doesn't want to think about that yet... Madame D agrees and says they will play one game of Scrabble. Jill incredulously wins when she spells 'torques' across, with the " s" being added to D's zebra down. She saves Yung ,and she decides to save Barb, whose name is also on the wheel. Lina congratulates Jill on her success and admits that Barbara isn't one of Lina's minions, and has long admired Barb's loyalty to her boss/ friend. Jill thinks this evening of games is over, but Ms.Lina, who never seems to tire, says they have more to play. The next game is a round of fencing, and Jill despairs because she has never even tried it. They will just use the épée, Ms. Lina announces, but Jill doesn't even know what that means.Lina is toying with her to be certain.Of course, Ms.Lina prevails, and her next choice on the arbitrary death list is Ruby.Jill rails...Why, why? Ruby knows about both Jillian's and Anais' brands for one reason,remarks the judge of Death! She will be poisoned with an untraceable dram of liquid while visiting her ailing mother, probably next week.What else, who else ?, thinks Jillian. The midsummer sun will soon be setting, so Ms. Lina insists on one more competition before repast, and that will end their game playing. Archery- one arrow each. I'm screwed again thinks Jill. She's right, of course; Madame D gets a bullseye.That said, Jillian never realized how many different hobbies Lina excels at. Lina exclaims that Jill never really inquired about Lina; it has always been what Lina can do for Jill, and that kind of self- centered ignorance creates dire consequences. Before Lina tells who the last victim will be , she again warns Jill not to make any more " messes" that must be " cleaned up." The final target is indeed Sharon, the last of Jill's kill team. Ms. Lina serves Jill and her an aperitif to celebrate the end of the games. Lina toasts," to the victor go the spoils." Jill reluctantly takes a sip to placate D, and waits for the information about Sharon's demise.Madame D declares, "You will kill Sharon, nobody else, and you will do it this week, a coup de grace peut-être? Oh, and I have decided we will play one more game after dinner, my most favorite of all - chess! And I have some special rules for us!" The aged Lina seems energized but Jill feels depleted, and has no appetite for dinner let alone any other surprises from the grim reaper...

RoB- gambling night with Madame D, part one

Jillian has been on Ms. Lina's yacht almost two weeks , and her confinement on the Esprit is wearing thin, although her craving to use heroin again has subsided. Once a day she is allowed to talk to Evelynn and check in.That's because Lina talks to Evelynn first and filters the topics. Jillian is informed that all is ok at her estate,which she has finally decided to call "Lily Pad", although that seems to be a rather trivial decision at this juncture. Jillian doesn't feel much like talking to Evelynn considering her supposed friend's subterfuge, but Jill is worried about everyone else in her sphere. Ms. Lina has agreed to let Jill and Barb go home if Jill will indulge her mentor( or is it nemesis?)in a game night. Ms. Lina proposes the high risk stakes; for every game Jillian wins she can save one of her associates from death, but a benign imprisonment will ensue. If Ms. Lina wins she will choose the female who will die and in what manner.Jill doesn't like the macabre conditions, but she doesn't have much of a choice. All the cards are stacked in Lina's favor,so to speak. Jill is resigned that this is her penance and torture for her transgressions. Also Ms. Lina says that she will be called Madame D ( for Dontay) for the duration of the evening, because that is her "good luck" moniker, which is rather creepy for Jill to hear. It will be Ms.Lina's ,aka Madame D's, rules and choice of games... First game is 8 ball pool. Jill feels like she has a fighting chance. Jill racks them, and Madame D sinks the frigging 8 ball on the break! Jill gasps...and Lina smiles. First death( Madame D gets three for one) will be Anais and her two confidantes. They will be on one of Ms. Lina's private planes , drugged and thrown out the cabin door over the Atlantic.That will be happening today. Next game, backgammon. Not only does Madame D win, she gets a gammon. Jill puts her head down and fights back tears. Madame D's choice is Pauline. She will be found eventually having been mauled to death by bears in the nearby mountains.Jill scowls at Lina. Lina just shrugs her shoulders. On to 5 card stud. Nothing wild, except if Jillian draws a joker, she wins automatically. Jill ends up with a full house, but Madame D gets four aces. Jill covers her face with her hands. She assumes Sharon will be next, but no.Madame D has a little twist. Jill will spin a large wheel with various names on it. Wherever it stops, that name will have the next death sentence. Jillian is frozen and her impotence has turned to hatred for this vile, ruthless woman staring back at her. Jill hears herself begging pitifully for Madame D's( demon's?) mercy."You spin or I spin,"Lina matter-of-factly states. Jill can't do it, so Lina spins. Where it stops is on Yung's name! Jill faints...

RoB- Out of Ms. Lina's league

Jill now completely acknowledges that nothing in her frenetic life has been private since she agreed to be branded years ago.Lina knows everything; so she must know that Jill is a recovering addict, and that Jillian's need for violence towards men lives vicariously through the killer cohort she nurtures. The realization that she has figuratively signed death sentences for Pauline and Sharon sends Jillian into a tailspin, and she is strongly tempted to use again.Jill starts to obsess about heroin, but Ms.Lina anticipates this and keeps Jill and Barb on the yacht for their "own welfare." Ms. Lina will not tolerate a drug relapse,and Jill has been warned about any more critical errors in judgment. Jill will need time to process all that has been revealed to her, including Anais' impending fate.Everyone's motives become suspect, so Jill sends Barb to another room and refuses to speak to her. Are all her staff under Ms.Lina's influence? Certainly not Yung...but doubts overwhelm her. Her headache becomes an excruciating migraine, and she lies down and tries to sleep. Certainly her dreams will be no worse than this waking nightmare, a nightmare of her own making and hubris. Jillian tries to soothe herself by thinking about Lily, but even sweet memories of her daughter exacerbate Jill's desire for heroin. Just as Jill starts to fall off to sleep,an unsettling thought strikes her. Why was Ms. Lina at Lily's and Joeffry's funeral services, when she rarely is seen in public and had never met either one? Jillian had always thought it was out of respect for her, but maybe it was something else...

RoB- what the....

Jill stares back at Lina Dontay with equal parts disbelief and admiration.Of course, she knows everything; Lina is one of the most powerful women in the world and controls the global clandestine group of which La Femme Fatale nightclub is only a small piece. Ms.Lina discloses a secret.She has had Jill continually protected yet spied on since weeks before Jill's branding.Ms. Lina's chosen ones are intensely scrutinized and monitored, and Jill's security system and computer safeguards pale next to Lina's resources.Ms.Lina has had daily updates about Jill's whereabouts and actions for years, and Lina also shares that she is doing the same with Anais.Ms. Lina quietly goes through Jill's litany of issues, and admonishes Jill to tell nobody what she is about to confide. Although, Lina condones Jill's revenge on Joeffry, too many innocent people died in the explosion. The reopening of the police investigation "will be handled, but is very inconvenient, " in Lina's words. Despite murdering very bad men,Jillian's covert kill team knows too much about its employer and can complicate and possibly expose the heretofore underground network of branded women. The Minotaur is another of Lina's branded, and the message sent to Anais was to put Anais - and Jill - on notice. Ms. Lina has become wary of Jill's reckless behavior, and has seriously considered Jill's demise, but she thinks of Jill like a petulant daughter who needs chastening, and won't order the hit.As it is, Anais, and her confidantes will meet with a fatal mishap soon.She broke the illicit society's vows and told at least two nonmembers about the Querencia. Jill is held responsible for Anais' reckless action, but the Anais situation will be "contained". However, Ms. Lina will not tolerate one more misstep by Jill. Ms.Lina has disposed of Alina and Myrtle, and will soon be able to do the same with Pauline and Sharon. Jill wonders what will become of Evelynn- who knows everything, except about the veiled meanings of the branded rings and the unconditional loyalty and secrecy mandated by membership.It's as if Ms. Lina has read Jillian's thoughts."Oh," Lina declares, " Evelynn will be ok. I know that she is your closest friend and has worked intimately with you for many years,but she has worked much longer for me."

RoB- another Querencia, part 2

Jillian woke with an incredibly bad hangover. Barb, who had accompanied her to the fete, was sitting on the aqua sofa, reading on her Kindle, waiting for her boss to give her directions upon waking.Barb already has a teakwood serving tray ready with aspirin, ice water, cold compress, and saltines, in case needed,and Jill gratefully uses everything on the tray, glancing at the mermaid clock on the cherrywood wall. 10:30! Jill has only a half hour before meeting Ms. Lina up on deck for breakfast. She decides to lie down 10 more minutes with the compress on her face and then puts on a silk robe and sandals, after washing off her makeup, gargling, and combing her snarled hair.Jill doesn't remember much after the initiate's branding around 1am,and the subsequent celebratory " Happy Birthday " song to Ms. Lina while Baked Alaska is served to all. Barb explains that Jillian, on a dare ( what was she thinking?),gulped a huge brandy sniffer glass full of Grand Marnier after already drinking at least six jiggers of tequila shots. Barb helped Jill to her quarters below deck, and Barb was able to get the fairy wings and Titania costume off of Jill, before Jill passed out. It had been quite an evening indeed! Maya came dressed as Hippolyta, queen of the Amazons, and Anais imbued the character Helena. Ms Lina dressed as Queen Elizabeth the First, and regal she was! The lovely young woman who Lina chose for the honor of being branded is Diann, a creole beauty of a French mother and Namibian father. She is heavily sedated and will not be seen in public for quite a while. Jill walks rather slowly and unsteadily up the stairs to the sunny, upper deck,and again she is thankful when Barb hands her a straw fedora and large sunglasses to wear. Ms.Lina is already seated for breakfast and having her second cup of French press coffee.She too is wearing a hat and shades, and smiles broadly as Jill sits down.Barb finds a deck chair under an awning, out of earshot, and tries to be unobtrusive. All the forest decorations and party's mess have already been completely removed, and the Esprit's deck is once again clean and quiet.The only people left on the yacht are the crew,Diann,Lina 's personal physician, Jill, Barb and Lina. Jill talks about the quartet, the Minotaur, apprehension about Anais,Alina's and Myrtle's deaths, the nightclub bombing, her recent trip to Maya's island and updating her will.Ms. Lina listens attentively, and when Jill finishes her lengthy and convoluted confession, Lina simply nods, takes off her sunglasses and stares unflinchingly at Jillian. "My darling girl", whispers Ms. Lina, "I knew all of this before you told me. Why would you think that I wouldn't?"

I haven't made time recently

I haven 't made time recently to write.Everyday Life intrudes and I have writing setbacks. I will resume shortly.