A time to reap, a time to sow

I will end 2013 and begin 2014 on a positive note. Tis a time for nostalgia and reminiscing , and a time for considering a forward path. I will try to give more love and feel less animosity. I will forgive people's transgressions, but no longer be so naive about their promises and intentions. I want to be less quick to anger and more happy with the little moments of the day. I will strive to pare down and to be less sedentary. I will curse less and praise more. I will try to be more creative( although I don't know what that looks like). I will continue to vent, because it is cathartic for me, but I will write more and be less verbal about the BS in my life.I cannot change my daughter; I will let her go. I feel impotent( and extremely disillusioned) about national politics; I will watch less TV minutiae. These are my intentions.I plan to be resolute.Please, Lord, help me.

Hustle and bustle

I'm writing and addressing Christmas cards, inserting photos and a short letter, putting labels and stamps on everything. Why am I always the one to do this? Husbands, in general, at least mine that is, do not participate. He would just as soon not bother.Yes, I know he's working, but it wasn't as if he helped me when I was working. Oh well...Anyway, with all the hustle and bustle, I will resume posting after the 1st. Merry Christmas and a healthy, prosperous, joyous New Year.

Fa la la la la

Boughs with red berries ,draped on mantels and staircase, fragrantly mix with the already cinnamon filled air with the scent of fresh evergreen awaiting noses to get closer to the source for further delight and affirmation. Mistletoe hangs expectantly and candles glow echoing the embers in the bedecked fireplace, while Judy Garland's voice memorably sings, "Have Yourself a Very Merry Christmas". Joyful preparations are underway to bake desired sugar cookies, along with Sweet Potato and Pecan pies, and the Christmas tree sparkles with shiny bulbs and glistening little lights.The Honey baked Ham and eggnog will soon be purchased . The advent calendar reminds us that Christmas Eve is a week away; spirits are lifted,and smiles get a bit larger each day. It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas! The body and soul are warmed with anticipation and nostalgia, for reverting to childlike ways always occurs, and Love is contagious.

year 2013 in review

I can't say that this year has been one of Alfredo's and my best. Loved ones died ; that was the hardest,and memories kick in.(Al and I miss our parents so much!)Also, two sweet former students died- way too young. The tax man cometh with a very heavy foot, and consequently, we canceled much desired trips to Michigan, Maryland, Florida and Bermuda, to avoid any further financial encumbrance as well as putting off some much needed remodeling.Not traveling is bad for my psyche, but not the end of the world so to speak. ( I did go on a free seven day cruise -I had one last year too- so that was nice karma.) Some of my closest friends and family have been seriously ill, and others dealt with some traumatic issues.Also, Al and I have been struggling with our angst ridden, troubled daughter and ensuing problems from her difficult behavior. Birthdays and holidays have come and gone in their usual annual fashion. The Orfales have been healthy in the main, and I do understand that is a true blessing. I have been retired since June 2012; that certainly has been wonderful. Sometimes I am so busy that I don't know how I managed to teach. Al is still with Chemical Solutions, his 4th year.Adam will graduate in May with a BBA in Marketing with his major in Music Entertainment Business.He got a separate certificate for that this month.This marks his second Christmas in his own home, and he'll be 23 in February. Gina, who will be 18 in January, is a senior, but it is looking more and more like she will need another year to graduate. She already took her senior pictures, so I will probably send them out anyway, with late Christmas cards( waiting on a photo of Adam). In January I made a New Year's resolution that I have actually stuck to doing( it may be the first time). I decided to make a new recipe at least once a week, and that has been a small pleasure for me,and needless to say, for the family. Adam's "night" to visit is Sunday, so new dishes and HBO/ Showtime/ Netflix are usually on the agenda. I also starting blogging on 3/17 ( St.Patrick's Day is the day Al and I met 40 years ago), and post fairly regularly. I've written about 200 posts, so if you are interested in the minutiae of my/ our life,you can read any or all posts from the outset. I've posted a couple poems and also a memoir. My New Year's resolution for 2014 is to post at least one piece of creative writing each week, such as a poem, short story, etc. I have ranted a couple times about politics, vented about world affairs,etc.,but mainly I have written about feelings and relationships. I don't have a "thematic" blog.Here is the link if interested: Http://ldsro.blogspot.com/ .I guess you can say that some days when I post I'm happy or content; some days I'm angry or sad. I try to be authentic, but without revealing all the skeletons in my proverbial closet. We still have our cat CJ; he'll be 16 in May. Although he has diabetes and we give him insulin twice a day, he's doing fairly well for an older cat. I have resumed my favorite pastime regularly, which is reading. I recently read "What Matters Most" by Krauthammer , and I am almost finished with my quest to read at least one book by each of all the Nobel Prize Winners for Literature.I must say, that was a good idea for me, because how bad could their writing be, and shouldn't every lit teacher do that? For example,I finished Kertesz and Kawabata,and I will read more by them.(I hope one year American Thomas Pynchon will win and Italian Umberto Eco.)Every time Winter arrives Alfredo and I discuss moving to a year round warm climate. We probably will in five or so years. We have loved our years in both Michigan (40) and Georgia ( 20), but I understand the snowbird urge to migrate where feathers stay warm( and aren't ruffled). On that note, the Orfale family, with love, wishes all a very Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and joyous year to come.

Snowflakes and Sophocles

The elaborate, beautiful pattern in a single snowflake amazes me. So fragile to the touch, so elegant in and of itself, yet it becomes an incredible force when added to so many other wondrous flakes, so that a powerful snowfall ensues. In the same way, beginning with one word,and adding more and more, profound statements are written and can become an immense influence for good. David's "Psalms " are like that, and I have always been drawn to the Greek writers of Antiquity.I never tired of discussing Euripides' or Sophocles' plays while I was teaching. Their relevance and universality are as fresh as 2500 years ago. That is staying power,as is Shakespeare's work from 400 years ago.The absolute beauty of a well- drawn and thought -provoking phrase is very seductive to me, and, therefore, I feel very inadequate when I write. It's not that I want everything I voice to be pithy, but to surround myself with the art, music and writings of geniuses is both gratifying and humbling, and how could I possibly express myself better than they have? Well, I can't.Just as the glorious beauty of Nature leaves me breathless and awed. Whether a delicate snowflake or the grandeur of a spectacular sunset, we are fortunate to have the free gifts of God, as well as ready access to the amazing brainpower and writings of old. The adage applies, "the best things in Life are free."

One foot in front of another

The Christmas church choir concert is tonight and Sunday, and for the first time in many years, I won't be singing. The Gina saga, which involves some well-meaning ladies from my church, has left me exhausted yet paradoxically agitated.The number of rehearsals for preparation seemed daunting to me this season, and I really don't have the energy for suffering platitudes or emotional lip service. I sing because I love that kind of worship, but the Lord knows I don't have the desire or joy for that right now. I'm going with my family Sunday night to listen with certainty that it will be wonderful and uplifting, but I feel like receiving the gift of music rather than giving it right now. My emotional and spiritual well is getting dry, and I need to replenish my mental state and well being. I love Christmas; nevertheless, I am not much in a festive mood. I apologize in advance for cocooning. I am feeling rather self- absorbed right now, and chatting just isn't in me right now. My dear friends know that I don't like talking on the phone when I'm like this, so I hope they will continue to be patient with my isolationism. This weariness is why I haven't been blogging much lately as well. My energy is being used up with decorating and shopping and the usual holiday madness. I've gone a little mad myself.

A Christian at Christmas

I haven't been feeling like writing much lately. I usually love to sit and bloviate, but recently it seems that I have been repeating myself, and I 'm boring myself with redundancy. I wanted to talk a minute about Christmas and all the festivities and hoopla around that blessed day. I love the Christmas story - and all things Jesus- and a sense of well- being accompanies this season of the year, at least for me. I recently found out someone very dear to me is going to be ordained, and I was overwhelmed with joy. I felt a pang of envy as well, however, because, even though I have considered seminary in the past, I haven 't had the calling. I'm at peace with that, but I admire those who are so bold and called to be ministers; their faith is certain and mostly unwavering. They are certainly blessed.I 'm thankful we live in a country where our faith isn't persecuted; nevertheless, Christianity is often mocked and ridiculed; I do not understand the judgmental skeptics and secularists who do not want to be judged themselves. I enjoy both the sacred and secular music, decorations, activities of Christmas.I enjoy "Silver Bells", and I love to sing "Angels we have heard on High"and O ,Holy Night".Taking a ride to see the night lights is wonderful, and I like watching kids when they get on Santa's lap for photos. I love family presents and holiday foods.Everyone does. But the " reason for the season" is not a cliche to me. I love how Christ's birthday is celebrated for over a month. I love Sunday services and especially Christmas Eve service. "in excelsis Deo". I love the manger; I also love the empty cross and empty tomb.I use the word love in this post a lot, because Christ is Love. Have a joyous, merry Christmas! For Christians, as the song says,"it is the night of our dear Savior's birth." That is good news,and to that I say, "Amen."

Travel club

Al and I joined a private travel club for our mutual Christmas gift this year( yes, Al!) What a great way to meet some like-minded people and be able to stay in members' homes, resorts and ship balcony rooms. And maybe now, I'll be able to afford the Galapagos Islands, New Zealand and Japan in the next few years. First up will be Bermuda. I'm jazzed.

One man shows

I seem to be drawn to dark characters; of course, great acting is needed for believable ,immoral but intriguing men.I am fond of the the shows "Hannibal", "Blacklist" and "Dracula". They are anchored by awesome leading actors.In fact, I wouldn't watch the shows otherwise, because the rest of the casts do not appeal to me, and these men are a real coup for otherwise banal Network TV.For instance, when James Spader is not on screen, I find myself fast forwarding.The same goes for scenes without Mikkelson or Rhys-Meyers.But when these men are on screen, I'm riveted. Oh how I love the ensemble acting on HBO and Showtime. ( I would like to see a program with a very dark female character, too, perhaps starring Jodie Foster( if she'd do small screen or Queen Meryl.) Honestly, one guy can't carry a program for long, no matter how wonderful his ability, so we will see about the second seasons. Honestly, I don't hold out a lot of hope.I 'll enjoy the " one man" shows while they last. An aside: "The CrazyOnes" starring Robin Williams can't be saved despite his impeccable timing and improvisation.He is teamed, unfortunately , with an insipid, tiresome cast.When he's allowed to do his thing, he's brilliant, but that might be about 5 out of the 25 minutes. In general, sitcoms aren't for me.I tried Robin, I really did...

Advent

I've been Christmas decorating for the past two days.I enjoy the effort, because so many of the items I put out or hang on the tree have been gifts, so I'm reminded of dear individuals and happy memories. I guess my favorite holiday is Christmas because get togethers to celebrate Jesus happen all of December.Someone will say,you want to have dinner on December 11 for a Christmas meal? Sure! It happens all month. Night lights are everywhere, and people are a tad bit more thoughtful. Christmas music, holiday jokes, seasonal goodies-I love a good fruitcake ,and Christmas eve worship are all special. The nativity scene is displayed everywhere and advent is so joyful. I recognize that for some people this season is lonely or depressing, but for me, Christmas is a happy, welcome antidote for so many sad and uncontrollable events, and a month long birthday celebration.

My son

I'm proud of my son.He has hated college, but has persevered and will graduate in May. Today he gets his MEBU (Music and Entertainment Business certificate) within the Cole's Business school at KSU. He will be getting his BBA in marketing and plans to do music related work.Meanwhile he is still working as a medical courier, and he writes and produces his own music.I am thankful that we have an extraordinarily close relationship, and that he is a thoughtful, caring, reflective, funny young man. He is the functional part of our dysfunctional family, and for that, I am grateful and blessed.When I get down or sad, I think of him and my spirits our lifted. To say I love him is inadequate. I wrote an emotive poem entitled "Adam" that I posted on June 27 ( on this blog) which approaches the feelings I have about him if you want to read it. He inspires me to be the best I can be, and I often cry tears of joy( even as I write this)about my son, my exquisite gift from God.

Acting my age

Youth is wasted on the young, it is said. Not that I didn't have an exuberant and exhilarating ride in my twenties and thirties; I did. Now that I'm 61, however, I don't know what "acting my age" is supposed to look like. My kids don't want me to embarrass them, and neither does my husband.I'm told that I shouldn't do this or that, or I'm too "old" to do this or that, and I start to believe that I am delusional.I realize my appearance now includes very thin hair, a double chin, laugh lines and crow's feet, batwing arms and signs of gravity. I have considered a facelift and other cosmetic " improvements", but I chicken out, and after all, how would that be aging gracefully? I used to have a large number of stilettos; now I just want to wear Toms. Isn't that showing my age/ wisdom? I used to stay up until all hours of the night. Now I am usually in bed most nights by 10. So if I want to kick up my heels every once in while, why am I judged? Why the heck should care if I'm judged? I realize that these questions are a big part of why I like trips. Not only do I travel,see new places, take a break from routine, and feel pampered,I tend to be less inhibited and more demonstrative. It's not that I want to be someone I'm not;I like to be the expressive person I was when I was younger.