Not feeling it

I'm taking a writing break until Thursday, 8/1. Thank you to all who care to read my blog. I appreciate your support.

Truth be known

"God doesn't give you more than you can handle," the Good Book says. Truth be known, for me, I am not handling the situation with my daughter very well. Gina will be 18 in January, hopefully graduating from high school in June, and then we will have her move out of our house. I'm tired of hearing about 17 year olds as being " kids" ( like Trayvon Martin)and their waywardness is a phase, and they just need to have guidance and support. Well,Gina is incorrigible, irresponsible, unremorseful, ungrateful,and disrespectful.Now, so far, this sounds like " typical" teenage behavior. That's true; I've worked, as a high school teacher, most of my life with her age level. However, she has sociopathic tendencies; she chronically lies and steals, and she says she's sorry because she is caught, not because she means it. This has been going on since she was almost ten. She sees counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, probation officers( yes), attends group counseling,small groups at church, etc. Initially, she can be charming and sweet when you first meet her.I call it the " honeymoon" period. At school, the first 4- 6 weeks are ok, and then she inevitably gets belligerent with one or more of her teachers, and she starts skipping classes.I have friends and family say, "let me talk her, maybe I can straighten her out," or , " she can stay with me a while; she just needs some positive attention/ love." Really??? Refer to my posts of 3/26 and 5/4 concerning her RAD which is reactive attachment disorder . Also, she has some traits of my brother Gary(post 5/29 ).We are like oil and water. I don't believe much of what she says to me, and I catch her frequently in lies. She has lost my trust and I will not excuse her bad behavior anymore. She doesn't do drugs, as far as I can tell, and she hasn't been violent. That, of course, is a good thing, but all the rest of it creates an unviable living arrangement.We will find her other lodging as soon as she graduates.Al and I have done what we can; she needs to move out, so we can all move on. Prayers are appreciated; we've had enough advice.

So many negatives

Things and people - in no particular order- that make me mad, outraged and frustrated: Monsanto, GMOs, millions of dead bees( watch out food supply), Detroit , Pontiac, Marlowe( CCBOE), Benghazi, IRS, Jay Carney, trash talk hip hop, political correctness,Bill Mahr,both political parties,burkas,MSNBC, the "Affordable " health care Act,friends who use me, hypocrites,verbal and physical abuse, the juvenile justice system, psychologists, insurance companies; honestly, I could go on ad nauseum. Fortunately, I can balance that out with overwhelming positives: Faith, family, friends, fellowship, books,jazz, art, etc. What a convoluted world!

Past "needs"

When I think of all the " needed" items I used in my youth, I smile to myself. Nobody I know uses these things now. It dates me, of course. I used to use the dainty handkerchief;now I can use colorful Kleenex. I used to use kotex belts to hold the pads in place; now there is every " size " possible of tampons( I'm post menopausal, however). I had girdles with garters for our hosiery; now we use pantyhose ( if at all) and the " revolutionary" spanx. We had awful one piece, romper- room- like, dark blue gym outfits that were mandatory for class, and all the adolescent girls had to wear horrible bathing caps for swim sessions. We had truly uncomfortable curlers we wore overnight while sleeping, or worse - the crisscrossed Bobby pin torture. Hairspray was de regueur for the "ratted" hairstyles, and slips of every sort were mandatory undergarments.I wore watches every day. Not too many people wear them anymore because of the ubiquitous cellphone accessory. I predated computers, microwaves, fast food,home and car air-conditioning, color tv and remotes. I used carbon paper when typing on a type writer and we had rotary telephones. I'm glad all of this is history , not current events, but these kinds of inconveniences, curiously, are not what comes to mind when I have nostalgic memories.It's, thankfully, the unforgettable moments with family and friends.

100

100 often marks occasions of importance: 100 years old, 100th episode, 100 likes, 100 pairs of shoes( yes!), etc. For me, it's my 100th post on my blog. Now someone's 100th birthday is certainly more monumental than a pedestrian blog post, but it represents for me that I am persevering with writing. 100 paragraphs is better than 10 or zero.I suppose I can really celebrate if I can get that ever elusive book written. So my 100th is, hopefully, just a beginning mark, not a culminating moment. I would just as soon have one hundred notches on my belt for writing than say for other extra-curricular items.

Physical

I will be 61 in September; I am fine with that, but when I look in my bathroom mirror each morning while I'm brushing my teeth and combing my hair, I recognize that I sure don't have that face I had when I was 30. Many physical flaws, based on the current standards of physical beauty, are evident. I have very thin hair( well, this has been the case pretty much since I was a youngster),overweight, a double chin, crow's feet,jowls, saggy eyelids, very dry skin( with acne! on my chin). I am just stating facts, not whining or obsessing. I probably will never get a face lift- although I have researched it- and I rarely wear make up, so, of course, there are "things" I could do for immediate cosmetic improvement. I do dye my otherwise very gray hair, and I like manicures, but, honestly, I wish there wasn't such a double standard for men and women. That sure won't be changing any time soon. Anyway,I am comfortable in my own skin,but I realistically know how I look. No, I don't dwell on this subject, and I don't consider myself vain.I just recognize my appearance, at this point in my life, and I move on.

Pearls before swine

Detroit's current devastated status is heart wrenching for both current and former Michiganders.I was concerned about the once vibrant metropolis as far back as when the corrupt Coleman Young was mayor.Do you remember when Hudson's downtown flagship store closed? That certainly was an early red flag. Now the piper must be paid, and nobody wins. I feel sad for the people whose pensions are compromised, and I ache about the possible demise of the Detroit Institute of Arts( DIA), as we all know and love it. I used to love going to Detroit.Glorious food could be found easily in Greektown and Mexicantown. Remember the original London Chop House and the Caucus Club ( where I saw B Midler perform) across the street? Every kid over 35 or so remembers Boblo Island Amusement Park and its ferries.Belle Isle really was a pretty place back in the day. I loved baseball at the original Tiger Stadium and hockey at the Joe. I saw some damn fine concerts at Olympia, and I loved seeing the Detroit Symphony. Motown and cars went together. (I literally cried, by the way, when Pontiac Motors was shut down.)In fact, the Omni Hotel was where Al and I spent our wedding night. We adored going to West Village and Van Dyke Place. Al was even a silent partner in the now defunct Harlequin Restaurant on Agnes Street, which had a very successful run. I loved Detroit's Thanksgiving Parade and its July 4 fireworks. And then there was the Vernor's plant!I remember Santa at Hudson 's and the fabulous Ford Rotunda. So much lush life and activity.Great, great memories! Now the main draw seems to be casinos.Don't get me wrong; I love casinos, but they didn't give as much tax revenue as needed for Detroit, and Greektown is a shadow of its former self, because of the casino there.Most of Motor City's mojo is gone. I hope the city will get it back, but it looks like it will take years, if at all.

What the....?

My friend and I went to see " the Heat" on Friday, starring Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy. The movie was enjoyable, and I would give it a "B" overall. I laughed, and I like gal pal movies, but the sheer amount of profanity became tiresome to me, and superfluous at times. A well placed curse word is effective in a story with rough and tough characters, but every other word( literally)of profanity becomes desensitizing. Do I swear? Yes. Am I a prude? No. However, curse words for shock value are no longer " shocking." Remember Rhett Butler/ Clark Gable saying , " Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!" back in 1939? Well, 75 years later, that seven word sentence would be changed, and probably have the F bomb in it 3 times; "dear" would be changed to b...h or worse. Would it be more effective? I don't think so.The mischievous elegance of Rhett would be diminished. In fact, anyone who swears to much, too often is not evolved, and the coarse language is disrespectful of the people who are in earshot. Swearing doesn't make a man more manly or a woman more like one of the guys - unless you think men must be crass to be convincing. I don't happen to feel that way, and I especially don't like if- men - can- do - it - women- can- do - it mentality about vocabulary.Sure,swearing like a drunken sailor, so to speak, can be gender neutral - and age neutral for that matter, but it is certainly not refined. I will heed my own words.

Sorry

Sorry.Blood splats, Bombs rain, brats whine. Sorry. Pain laughs,peace squints, prigs rant. Sorry. Cars belch, clocks spit,cads blame. Sorry. Trees stab, toys rape, twits mock. Sorry. Food maims, frocks flay,foes gloat. Sorry. Lips rot,lakes burn, lugs spew. Sorry. Minds rust, molds ooze, Man mucks. Sorry! Time's up!

The News

I love to hear happy stories on the news.What's wrong with being glad for a loving, expectant couple like William and Kate? There is enough bad news elsewhere. This story seems to be mocked a lot, but really, I'm very tired of celebrity mug shots, High profile divorces and bratty kids with minimal talent who are mega millionaires being fawned over by the press. Reality shows are a dime a dozen these days , so I would just as soon hear about the "Kate wait" as anything else. I have been enjoying the snipets of the Tour de France when I see it, and I enjoy the good news of rescues, accomplishments, and acts of courage.I think it would be wonderful to have a Happy news channel, but it wouldn't get enough viewership in this society that craves violence, sex, salaciousness , and marginal ethics. Sigh...

Old photographs

Who doesn't love the nostalgia and memories which old photographs elicit? I love seeing my mom at 22, my dad in an army uniform, my brother Jim and I wearing coon skin hats and carrying toy rifles. I love the photos with my sister Debra and I wearing the same dresses that my mom sewed for Easter( I hated that at the time). I love the photos of high school prom and graduation, my first wedding, and my wedding with Alfredo. I especially love the pics of Adam and Gina as babies and toddlers. Thank goodness that those moments could be Kodak frozen.They become such a wonderful and necessary chronicle of what might otherwise be forgotten. I have precious photos of my great grandma who died when I was 12 and wonderful photos of my grandma who died when I was 23. I like all the pictures of my parents' home on Tennyson where I lived a joyous childhood.I love the photos of me in a hot air balloon, on a motor cycle, on a sailboat, in a helicopter, in a submarine,in a Rolls Royce - all types of transportation, including our old riding lawn mower, golf carts, tricycles and bicycles. The years pass and I see how styles have changed and my style in particular. You can see the march of years just by the eyeglasses I've worn over the years. Geesh....

Graduating - again

Getting Gina through high school and Adam through college has been worse than having my teeth pulled without anesthesia. Neither of them likes school, and honestly, if Al and I hadn't persisted and insisted, the kids would have " dropped out". Thank God their respective graduations are in sight. I feel like I'm graduating, too! Gina just had her senior pictures taken. She looks beautiful, but she acts blasé. She has struggled just to get Cs and Ds.Adam who is on the Dean's list just doesn't think that college will "pay off" for him . His degree is in Marketing with an additional certificate in music entertainment as business. This seems " marketable" to us, but Adam is not convinced. He's finishing college for " his dad and me ", he says. I don't care why in his mind that he's completing this rung of the ladder. Hopefully, he will see later, that in the scheme of Life, it was worth his efforts. He will be 23 by the time he finishes his BBA ( Bachelor of Business Administration), because he has only been going part time while he works and does his music production.I'm thankful he has persevered , albeit reluctantly. Gina will probably go to a community college, because her grades are so mediocre.Her post high school situation is still a question mark. Their graduation celebrations will be as much for their dad and me as they are for them. Whew!

1st World problems

Having lived in the U.S. all my life, I realize that everyday issues I have can't compare to third world countries, yet events crop up that are annoying, inconvenient and downright exasperating. Today was a comedy of errors for me.Each event consequently created other problems, which then continued adding fuel to the fire.My car had to be towed to the dealership for the second time in so many weeks; my insurance card in my purse was expired; the rental company didn't have any cars to rent( really?); I shredded an important paper ( onus on me) ; my bra strap broke; I spilled a pot of soup on the floor; my cat vomited twice; my daughter kept calling every five minutes, so I had no charge left in my phone; my surgical bills came in an onslaught in the mail; the driveway repair men showed up unannounced; my washing machine suddenly died; This all happened before 4 today. I know I don't have a bad life. I just had a bad day.In the meantime, I still had to do a task at church, go to the post office, go to the bank and the store. In five minutes, I will pour myself a glass of wine, if I don't spill it, and then reboot.

Clifford

Yesterday, July 14th would have been my first husband's 62nd birthday, if he were alive. He died in January 1973 at the age of 21. He was working part time on a maintenance crew, at what was then called Pontiac State Hospital, while he was in school. The day he died, the crew was cutting down some trees,and Cliff's job was to keep any patients out of the way of the falling trees. They were cutting trees down without guide wires and when one was falling, it came in Cliff's direction, and he tripped ; the tree crushed his chest. I was just starting my student teaching, and left school, getting to the hospital just in time to see him before he died from the injuries. We had only been married 15 months, still in the "honeymoon/ newlywed " phase. We buried him at White Chapel, and I purchased an extra lot next to him. As it turned out, my brother Jim, who was murdered at the age of 27, was buried there in 1978. They were close friends;Jim introduced Cliff to me. That these young men who were both so significant to me -and to each other- would be buried next to each other was consoling. That was 40 years ago for Cliff and 35 years ago for Jim - another lifetime it seems, because I have been with Alfredo since March 1974. A weird coincidence is that Clifford died on January 13, and that is Al's birthday. Another coincidence is that Cliff's birthday, 7/14, is also Bastille Day in France, and that was the first time I was kissed by my first love Jean -Marc. Connected memories....

Juries

I 'm glad that I have not been a juror for a murder trial, let alone a celebrity trial. Zimmerman, Anthony, and Simpson have all been found not guilty, so if you wanted a conviction you will cry,"foul". The jury is selected by both the prosecution and the defense; they are in agreement about the choices. Now the jury's job is done in these cases, and if people don't like the outcome, the juror's life is at risk, or minimum ,her well-being. Everyone has biases looking from the outside in, but I choose to believe the jury looked at the evidence carefully and acted accordingly. Whether it's the prosecution or the the defense, if that side " loses ", people say," justice hasn't been served." A trial based on public opinion is not a trial. Outcomes do not always match are desires, but I'm satisfied with the justice system we have, despite how infuriating it can be at times. If the defense doesn't win, they didn't do their job; if the prosecution doesn't win, they didn't do their job. A young man,Trayvon Martin, is dead. That is sad, and his parents are devastated., no doubt. To call him a " kid", however, is not accurate. That's about all I know for sure. The jury's job was difficult. They found him not guilty which is not the same thing as innocent.The jury believed that Reasonable doubt was raised. I wasn't at the crime scene; were you?I, too, may have been afraid. If a human decision is wrong in your opinion, you have to believe that God will make a final determination eventually, and I can live with that.

Dahlonega

Living in Cherokee County, I have been to the quaint,small village of Dahlonega before,but I have always gone with family, until this most recent visit with my gal pal. With the town being only a couple hours north of my house,I had never spent the night there. Truly, this time I felt like going to this gem of an area was reminiscent of Napa.We stayed at Mountain Laurel Creek Inn and Spa,for adults only,and top notch comes to mind, because the " Dancing Bear Cottage" was first rate, with lovely and thoughtful appointments and amenities, and the spa ladies were wonderfully skilled. You should check out their website.We ate at Monteluce Winery, with spectacular views and superb wine and food. I drank the super Georgian red and devoured their Foie Gras; both were delicious. We also ate at the charming Corkscrew Cafe, and their duck salad and local Pinot Noir did not disappoint. The downside of Dahlonega is the shopping hours, which the shop owners view rather arbitrarily. If the store's hours are 10 to 5, it may be open by 11 and may close by 3, depending on the whim of the manager. The inconsistent times were frustrating, but then again, shopping wasn't a priority for me.Dahlonega, site of the first Gold rush in the US, has many touristy options- panning for Gold, Gold museum, etc., but we avoided doing those.(Things I already did with my kids). Consequently, my husband and I are going to do a wine hike at the wineries for our upcoming anniversary in August and spend the night at the above mentioned B&B. The village is so close for a lovely, serene, adult getaway. Nixing the tourist traps made all the difference, and I am now enamored with the place. The above message is your free travel tip for the week.

Company

We'll be having company stay with us starting today. I love entertaining and being a hostess, but I don't nearly do it as often as I once did. This month and next we are having three sets of guests - from Hawaii, Michigan and Maryland ; maybe because I announced earlier this year that we wouldn't be traveling this season, they are making an effort to visit. I have dear friends who have never been to Georgia to see me. (If it were finances or health I would better understand than just a reason like "I don't like to fly.") Anyway, I will be writing sporadically over the next couple of months because of hostess stuff. I actually think about having a bed and breakfast place somewhere.I know that being an innkeeper can be hard work. I need to research it more. My dear friend, Ms. Loretta, thinks I already have a bed and breakfast - my home. My door is open; just let me know, and we'll have the welcome mat ready.

Rain or shine

On June 30th, I posted how excited I was to be able to see fireworks, which I love, tomorrow evening. Well, monsoon season has hit the Atlanta area, and the torrential rain has forced all the fireworks displays to be cancelled or postposed. There is even a flood alert for our county. I am officially bummed. Nevertheless, Happy July 4th, and God bless America.Rain or shine, I'm glad that we can celebrate our great country's independence, and our treasured freedoms.

Flawed

10 commandments - not suggestions- and I 've broken every one of them. Yes, every one. I've asked sincerely for forgiveness, but some of them I keep on breaking.Is wicked a relative term?What does that say about the state of my soul? What does the inability to not repeat past transgressions say about my judgment and intellect? My vagaries and idiosyncrasies are many, although some are hidden. I have a contrite disposition, but the Deadly sins, I've known them all.My capital vices are more "venial" than"mortal", and although I'm not a failed human, I'm flawed. Many people would say this is nonsensical thinking.I disagree. Should I not look at my weaknesses and peccadillos? Should I not try to move my cheese? Yes, but I am daunted in the attempt.I want my moral compass to point True North, but usually the needle moves all over the place. Dante's "Inferno" fascinates me. His poetic genius matches his incredible underworld view, and I find myself relating to every ring of his version of Hell, and imagining if his vision were indeed reality, my placement and punishments would be assured. My soul is conflicted,vulnerable and sometimes, I fear, in jeopardy. I am, even at the ripe age of 60, a work in progress.

Half the year

Six months of the year are gone, and it seems as if it were a blur. Yes, there were illnesses and surgeries, birthdays and anniversaries, heartaches and joys, anger and forgiveness, plans and cancellations,excitement and boredom, and births and deaths.My microcosm certainly echoes others' lives. The paradox that moments can feel like eternities while months can feel like minutes is evident. There have been lessons learned, mistakes made,plans altered, prayers answered,relationships stretched, bonds formed, miles walked,books read, thoughts written. So now there is half the year left to keep moving, keep progressing, keep singing, keep caring, keep worshipping,keep trying, keep evolving and as is often said ,"keep on keeping on."