Kafkaesque

My recent postings show my anger about unfortunate circumstances which are out of my control.I am grappling with these strong feelings,and I will be ok. Thank you to everyone for expressing concern about my well- being. A perfect storm of trying events has left me exasperated and extremely, mentally tired. I will bounce back from this endurance race and regain my stamina, because I must, and because I want to regain my joie de vivre and not harbor resentment towards the insensitive people involved. Everyone has a personal story about conquering "demons" and needing to rise above the muck that is thrown at her. Some people do that easier than others, and some people - like me - are drawn into the ugly drama through imbibing a lethal cocktail of responsibility, guilt, motherhood and hope, a Pandora's box of futility.Faith, good will,and optimism have always sustained me. Not so much right now. I have had dark episodes in my life, especially Deaths, but I have never been more shaken than with the psychological and physical ramifications of the " loss" of my daughter. I have been down the rabbit hole too long, and like Kafka's "Metamorphosis", eventually the unbearable monstrous situation will be resolved - either well or badly. I truly believe that I have done all that I am capable of doing, but therein lies the rub, because my best efforts have always been sufficient until now. Gina sabotages Al and me, and she sabotages herself. I can't/ won't self- destruct with her, but body parts have been forever wounded, nevertheless, and when it comes to head and heart, those deep cuts may not heal.