False vs true victims

I've been thinking overtime about my so called parental options with my petulant, unruly, minor daughter, which makes me think about my sweet, tormented friends Pat and Maria,who I love dearly.Each of their already complicated lives is turned upside down by family BS, as is mine, and let me say Family BS is the uber worst BS, because of one's,hopefully, mature feelings of familial and just humane compassion, guilt, responsibility and obligation. In each of our convoluted cases, the needy, immature, unreliable person we are desperately trying to assist does not want or attempt to help herself; they don't need, nor are inclined to be, self- reliant; they will just extort everyone else. These women lack remorse and empathy. The self-centered individuals with entitlement attitudes, righteous indignation - and may I say without the expected adult reactions of compassion,guilt,responsibility and obligation - seem to be able to play the helpless victim card ( and these worn out cards, which these immature relatives believe are irrevocable, give them the narcissistic opportunity to continue their " me first" ways) quite well, to the continued detriment of Pat's, Maria's and my mental and physical health. From the outside looking in, our moral indignation and affronted good- heartedness toward these flabbergasting women lack sufficient weight against their unrelenting cries( and whining) for infinite help( read: complete, expected financial and irresponsible dependency). I feel both of my suffering friends' unnecessary pain, because I have some uncanny, similar, unsavory circumstances; we are the true victims, and we are experiencing the psychological abuse that comes with being, in actuality, an enabler , against our better judgment and rational side.Our hearts are in the right place, so to speak,and our tormenters capitalize on that - although they won't admit as much. Without a lot of minutiae , suffice it to say we three are all experiencing excruciating, uphill battles with close, female relatives ,without outside relief, exacerbated by the "victims'" nebulous,self-serving diagnoses of mental illness.The old adages "No rest for the weary" and "No good deed goes unpunished" seem valid and applicable. I pray for all three of us to have relief, respite and resolution concerning these trying, exasperating situations, but another trite but true cliche applies; it's always darkest before the dawn. What crap!