Buyer beware

Don't you just hate the phrase, "Buyer beware"? It assumes that whoever sells you something may be disingenuous and not have your best interests at heart, or another way to say that is that the "seller" just has self-serving motives. Well, I'm shocked, shocked I tell you! Everyone wants to feel like she is getting a bargain, or at least a good deal.This can be accomplished easily in retail, for instance, if one shops at Good Will.Not so much if you are buying a used car or appliance or even getting an item from EBay or Craig's list.Now extend this " trust, but verify" idea to anything of importance. The onus is on the receiver of information,goods,etc. So integrity and being forthright can not be assumed. A handshake can never be enough anymore; written, legal contracts and warranties are needed to protect the consumer or employee. It's inconvenient , but doable, to send back a poor product, vote or recall a politician out of office, get a legal divorce, etc. Well, how does that work in the case of adoption? Now the stakes are exponentially higher here than for any of the before mentioned problems. You don't just send a child back from whence he came, just as you wouldn't with any child ( well, at least, I wouldn't). If you aren't given essential information like the birth mother is schizophrenic ( genetic issue for offspring) or adopted children often have RAD which is reactive attachment disorder, how would trusting, optimistic, potential adoptive parents know, especially if it is an international adoption? The parents trust the process, the adoption agencies, the propaganda, and even the government, because they want a child, desperately. Now we don't like to think of a child as being a commodity, but tens of thousands of dollars later with adoption proceedings, essentially he/ she is. Of course, each human is unique, and outcomes are never certain, but people should have more information at their disposal. When adoptive parents choose children with physical and developmental disabilities, they go into the adoption willingly. It is extremely different when the mental challenges will not necessarily present themselves until many years later. Not all adoptions are wonderful.Adoptions are limited when it comes to the biological parents' medical background. With genetic counseling or knowing the results of amniocentesis, biological parents have insight and preparedness for potential difficulties and setbacks, and they can knowingly go forward with that information. Those tools are not afforded to adoptive parents, who by definition want and choose to be responsible guardians. It is a leap of faith as the saying goes - just as all parenting is- but I wish I could have had a rounder picture of Gina's biological parents. For many years Al and I felt blessed and we were certain that Gina felt the same way.I thought environment,education, a loving, Christian home,having rules and morals, enriching activities, etc. would be more than enough for growing a healthy, well-adjusted young woman. I was wrong.